Dog Days - Wolfstar RP iamcrystalqueer+Nymeria

Nymeria · **Posted:** Wed Feb 19, 2025 12:50 pm

Whatever frustration had been building deflated immediately, Sirius’ words startling enough to wipe the slate clean. Remus’ expression wavered, a flicker of something youthful and afraid, the black pit of the war seeming to grow even deeper in that moment.
“Are you serious,” he said, a shaky incredibility. It wasn’t even a question, familiar enough with Sirius’ anger to know he wasn’t joking around.
Shifting forward, Remus reached over to push the other chair at the table away from it, a rough invitation for Sirius to stop fidgeting and take a seat, desperate to see this conversation to an end.
“He’s an infant,” Remus repeated.

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Wed Feb 19, 2025 3:37 pm

While Sirius easily saw the offer from Remus for him to sit down he feared that allowing his body even that amount of rest would make him fall asleep immediately. Instead, he stayed standing and smoking his cigarette impatiently, wondering what more they could possibly have to talk about.
“It’s mostly speculation, I honestly can’t remember what it said exactly,” he stated, running a hand through his hair, which was already a mess, and feeling so absolutely dejected and hopeless. “But people are taking it seriously enough that we found it best to hide them away. Rumours o the grapevine is that You Know Who is taking it very seriously.”

Nymeria · **Posted:** Sat Feb 22, 2025 3:38 pm

Sirius’ rejection was small and insignificant, and yet it made Remus’ frustration reignite, feeling cast aside by Sirius’ nonchalance. It once again made his jaw clench, feeling the urge to yell at Sirius for it, but he knew that wasn’t the issue; everything else was.
“So what, they’re just gone until -” Remus started, but the sentence lost its punch when he couldn’t get the ending out. It felt like such terrible, helpless odds to think they’d all survive this, that James and Lily would ever have an opportunity to come out of hiding - or that Remus would even be there to receive them.
“When was this?”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Sun Feb 23, 2025 4:26 pm

There was something devastating in seeing Remus trying to make sense of everything that had been going on since he had left, but it was as if the feeling never really took hold within him, instead passing through him briefly as an echo of something he had felt a long time ago.
“A couple of days ago,” he said, the dates blurring together for him to a point where he wasn’t actually sure when James and Lily had left the safe house, but he knew that it had at least been a couple of days.
Once his cigarette was smoked down to the filter Sirius pulled out his pack once more, figuring that as long as he kept standing and smoking he would be able to keep having a conversation.
“It was very sudden and we had to work fast.”

Nymeria · **Posted:** Tue Feb 25, 2025 4:37 pm

When Remus had asked the question he had had no expectations as to what the correct answer would be, but it soon became clear that this wasn’t it. It was once again Sirius’ nonchalance that stabbed him between the ribs and the desperation and panic of knowing Remus must have only just missed it, and the absolute devastation of what that would entail.
“It couldn’t have waited a few days? I haven’t seen them in months and now -” Remus felt nauseous at the thought, his anger momentarily giving way to something young and scared. It was so ****ing different knowing anybody could die at any time, it was a different thing entirely knowing for sure you had seen someone for the last time.
Anger soon settled back onto Remus’ expression, a much easier emotion to process. “You knew I was coming back.”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Wed Feb 26, 2025 2:06 pm

Something within Sirius snapped at Remus’ question, utterly unable to comprehend how Remus could be so blind to the reality of their situation.
Obviously, they couldn’t just have waited a couple of days to move James, Lily and Harry, otherwise they might have found a better way to do it, not when their lives were at stake the way that they were.
Furthermore, if You Know Who caught wind of which safe house they were kept in, there really would be no telling what kind of consequences that would have for the rest of them.
“Well tough,” he stated, feeling so raw and emotional that he was amazed that he managed to still be standing. “Sorry we didn’t prioritise you seeing them when their lives were in danger, but I guess that we should have just taken that chance, yeah?”

Nymeria · **Posted:** Sun Mar 09, 2025 5:25 am

Remus looked like he’d been slapped. Over the course of their friendship, Remus had not been a
stranger to the feeling of being just on the outskirts of Sirius’ and James’ friendship, but never had it struck him this much in the face.
“That’s not what I said,” he staggered, still visibly shaken at the accusation.
Bitterness soon took its place, blooming somewhere deep in his chest with roots that spanned not only days but months, if not years. Remus was tired and malnourished and suddenly overcome with an almost childish sense of things being unfair, of Sirius not caring about Remus’ life as much as he cared about James’.
“You’re so ****ing holy, Sirius,” Remus bit, fuel to the fire. “It’s so easy for you to do the right thing when it also just happens to serve you. You got to say goodbye, because you’ve been with them this whole ****ing time.”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Sun Mar 30, 2025 1:37 am

Sirius felt like he was about to explode, so desperate to get some sleep but also knowing that he needed Remus to understand. He really didn’t want to have this conversation, still reeling from the threat of having his best friend taken away in such a palpable manner.
“Do you really think that this serves me?” He bit, feeling torn and jagged already, and having Remus react to it in this way just felt like someone pressing salt into his already open wound.
“Yes, obviously I got to say goodbye to them, but that doesn’t make this easier to stomach.”

Nymeria · **Posted:** Sun Mar 30, 2025 4:33 pm

Remus’ eyes momentarily widened, as though Sirius had almost said it and still missed the point by a mile, too daft to understand that what it served him was an opportunity to belittle Remus for asking for equal treatment.
“Yeah, and I didn’t even get that, so go ****ing figure how I feel,” Remus all but barked, a laugh punched out of him.
Remus stared at Sirius for a moment, before scoffing again, finally turning away from Sirius.
“Whatever,” he ended up dismissing. He was so utterly exhausted by the ever-present competition in Sirius’ voice, like they weren’t living through the same war.
Pushing the chair back with a scrape as he stood up, poorly restrained frustration.
“Send them my regards,” he said bitterly.

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Sat Apr 19, 2025 3:36 pm

Despite how absolutely bone tired Sirius was, he knew that he couldn’t let them end their evening on this note. Remus really was the only thing that Sirius had left to hang onto, but he wasn’t willing to be made out to be a liar or like he had it a lot better than Remus, because he had just gone through some of the toughest goodbyes of his life.
“Not like I am in a position to send them to them,” was what he settled on, feeling tired and exhausted by the entire thing.

Nymeria · **Posted:** Sun Apr 20, 2025 3:44 am

Remus once again felt the sting of rejection, of being kept at an arm's length of people he thought were his friends, too. The time spent at the camps had brought out a temperament in Remus he knew he hadn’t had before. It buzzed just beneath the surface, something mean and violent, the bite of wild dogs, and Remus had to make a conscious effort into reminding himself that Sirius wasn’t that.
“Right,” Remus strained, the tension in his voice making him sound like he was about to laugh, finding everything so stupid. “I know they have a secret keeper, so whether or not you would, you could.”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Mon Apr 21, 2025 2:40 pm

Exhaustion was making every bone in Sirius’ body feel so heavy that he almost felt like crying, his head spinning from trying to keep his conversation with Remus straight, but he honestly had no idea where to even start.
Obviously, Sirius would have been the obvious choice for James and Lily’s secret keeper, which was the exact reason why he had told them not to make him one. However, he couldn’t grasp that thought long enough to form it into a proper sentence, much less convey the idea to Remus.
“Right,” Sirius spat, feeling more and more on edge the longer he was being kept in this conversation. “You better bring your regards to their secret keeper then, because that’s not me.”

Nymeria · **Posted:** Tue Apr 22, 2025 6:42 am

The tension drawing ever-tighter, Remus’ eyes finally snapped back onto Sirius. “I’m not stupid, Sirius, you’ve been saying we this whole ****ing time. I know it’s you.”
Remus didn’t even think it possible that Sirius would give up that responsibility. Their entire conversation had made it abundantly clear how Sirius’ relationship with James had become full of greed and possessiveness, though maybe it had always been like that. With how the conversation had unfolded, Remus couldn’t imagine Sirius had found anybody else worthy of safeguarding James’ life.

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Tue Apr 22, 2025 4:27 pm

Sirius almost wanted to cry, unsure when his relationship with Remus had become this thing were it took so little for them to start fighting and so much for them to trust.
Maybe they had always been like this in a way, but Sirius seemed to remember better times, easier times, where Remus would know to trust him at his word.
It hurt to know that those were gone.
“You believe what you want,” Sirius stated, constantly flipping between feeling exhausted and deflated, and furious. He knew that he didn’t really have a proper argument in him anymore, but he wanted to shake Remus to make him understand exactly what their current situation was.
“You have already decided that I have done this just to hurt you, so does it even matter what I say?”

Nymeria · **Posted:** Thu Apr 24, 2025 2:02 pm

Remus felt this conversation tighten around his neck like a noose, like time was running out and they were barreling forward towards a point of no return, though he didn’t know how to stop, this fight so much more than what they were just talking about.
“I’m not hurt,” Remus snapped back, though the honesty of it was doubtful. “You’ve just ****ing stopped being honest with me, and I don’t know why you think I don’t notice.”
Remus was staring at Sirius, a sort of surprised clarity in his anger, as if he had stumbled about the pain almost by accident. He felt the sound of his blood rush in his ears. “I’m trying too, Sirius, but you act like I’m not even ****ing here.”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Thu Apr 24, 2025 3:23 pm

Sirius felt like he was about to throw up, seeing the trust between himself and Remus crumble between his hands and he wasn’t sure if he had it in him to lose two friends in such a short amount of time. However, he could also feel the anger building up inside of him, feeling offended that Remus would even think that he would lie about something this important.
“Well, most of the time you’re not ****ing here,” he stated, fully aware of just how low of a blow it once the second the words left his lips, but he seemed utterly unable to stop them from falling out. He was hurting and part of him felt that it was only fair that Remus should be suffering with him.
“I am being so ****ing honest with you right now, but you are not here, so you don’t know what the **** I am doing and the sacrifices I have to make as well.”

Nymeria · **Posted:** Thu Apr 24, 2025 3:44 pm

It all seemed to bubble to the surface and burst, Sirius also admitting to something Remus knew he had been thinking, and must have been for months, if not years.
“I ****ing knew it,” Remus said, making him all but lunge a step towards Sirius, stopping in his tracks before actually getting close enough to reach him, a stalled impulse. If he allowed himself to linger on the implications it would have hurt so much he didn’t think he’d ever recover from it, feeling something between them snap under the weight of finally saying the quiet part out loud
“How ****ing long have you been sitting on that?” Remus stared at Sirius, clinging to his anger if not to sob, so exhausted at even the thought of getting to stay here instead of going back to the camps. “Do you think I’m not here because I don’t give a ****? Cause I don’t want to be?”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Sat Apr 26, 2025 12:14 am

Everything was going wrong and Sirius honestly couldn’t see how any of this was ever going to be salvageable. He wanted to trust Remus as entirely as he trusted James, but with how little he was around it seemed like an impossible feat for Sirius.
Going in, he had known that the war would do terrible things to them, but this wasn’t what he had imagined and he found himself unable to cope with any of it; having gotten so used to depend on his friends for these things and now he felt so utterly alone with it all.
“It doesn’t ****ing matter why you are not here,” he said, deep down knowing that he was being unkind but he desperately needed Remus to understand what he was leaving behind every single time he went on a mission. “You are not around and that means sometimes decisions just need to be made and fast.”

Nymeria · **Posted:** Sat Apr 26, 2025 4:29 am

Had Remus allowed themselves a moment of distance and clarity, he would have recognized Sirius wasn’t the one deserving the brunt of his anger, having not had anything to do with Remus’ stays at the camps, but still, it didn’t matter. They had already sunk their teeth into flesh, making it hard to let go, desperate for an outlet.
It should matter to Sirius why Remus wasn’t here, he should feel like he existed to his friends beyond the few odd days he saw them every couple of months, especially when Sirius all but crawled into Remus’ skin whenever he was around.
“I’m here now, so tell me what they are, then,” Remus pressed, frustrated and tired of being a piece in a war Sirius got to plan. “At least ****ing admit you’re the secret keeper.”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Sat Apr 26, 2025 2:48 pm

Despite how the dynamic of their relationship had always played out, slightly off balance, Sirius could honestly say that he had never directly lied to Remus and it wounded him to know that Remus thought that he ever would. Now more than ever it was important that they were honest with each other, so knowing that Remus genuinely thought that Sirius would keep that little thing from him seemed absolutely ludicrous.
“I am not not their secret keeper,” was all Sirius could find within himself to say, hating that Remus doubted his honesty like this.

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Dog Days - Wolfstar RP iamcrystalqueer+Nymeria

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