When Remus’ hand reached his fly, Sirius’ breath caught in his throat just like it had the night before, but this time it was with a greater sense of clarity.
This time, Sirius’ feelings weren’t mixed up with intimidation or trepidation; he wanted Remus to touch him and he wanted Remus to get to see that side of him to. While he was still nervous, he also felt much more at ease this time, knowing that Remus was determined to make this a good experience for him.
“Yes,” he breathed, feeling high strung but ultimately comfortable.
“Yes I do,” he added, having the sense that Remus liked hearing him by vocal, even if the most he could do was either confirm or deny.

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There had been a million more things on the tip of Remus’ tongue when he asked. This had been the breaking point last night, and Remus was acutely aware of it going in. Thick on his tongue were the alternatives he wanted to offer, unsure if Sirius would know that not wanting this wouldn’t necessarily mean they’d have to stop.
His brain suddenly felt deafeningly silent the moment Sirius gave his consent, his racing mind forced to a standstill.
Sirius looked just as much a wreck as Remus himself felt, flushed and out of his depth, but ultimately there and willing. It made Remus’ stomach flip as his mind started to uncloud, overwhelmed by the weight of Sirius’ gaze. Withdrawing his fingers from beneath the lining, Remus shifted backwards, sitting back to free his other hand from having to balance his weight.
“You can change your mind,” he reminded, feeling his cheeks heat as he ducked his gaze to his hand on Sirius’ fly, reality only then sinking in. Both hands finding Sirius’ fly, Remus couldn’t stop the urge to let his left hand trail the lining from Sirius’ midriff towards his hip, fingers skimming across the skin above it.
For a moment, Remus seemed deep in thought.
“I want you to feel good,” he eventually said, his voice a juvenile afterthought as his eyes once again met Sirius’. Slow to appear, a grin pulled at his lips, before allowing them to finally cross that line. With great care, he undid the button of Sirius’ trousers, unable to stop his gaze from dipping to it. “So keep telling me, yeah?”

Once again, Sirius was overwhelmed by a wave of affection towards Remus, knowing that he never before had felt this safe and cared for going into a sexual encounter. While to some it would probably seem like too much, Sirius knew that Remus’ constant check ins were the exact reason behind his own eager, finding that Remus asking for his continued consent was exactly what former encounters had been missing.
“Alright,” he breathed, looking at Remus’ expression, finding that it was almost too much to bear. He wanted to be able to say more, be able to give Remus that consent he kept searching for, but by then Remus had already undid the button of his pants and Sirius’ breath caught in his throat.
He wanted Remus so badly, more than he had ever thought that he even had the potential to, and to see him treat this like some kind of treat to him made his head spin.

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The bed had never been entirely wide enough for the both of them, but as they said on their sides, facing each other, it was a tangle of limbs to keep either of them from toppling over the edge. Their legs were intertwined, Remus’ knee still lazily between Sirius’, and as they lay facing one another, Remus could feel Sirius’ breath against his cheeks. It had been ages since Remus last laid like this, but here with Sirius, Remus barely dared to move.
The inherent vulnerability of sleeping together wasn’t lost on Remus, having to allow lines to blur to be that close to someone else; even Remus himself had to take a few moments to settle back in his own skin, feeling those boundaries being redrawn. Having witnessed first hand the effort Sirius had had to put into letting his guard down, Remus hesitated in leaving his bed, unsure if he had pieced himself together enough that Remus’ departure wouldn’t feel like rejection.
Not knowing how to put that into words, Remus shifted the arm that was folded between them, letting his knuckles fall back against Sirius’ forearm, a question.

A part of Sirius had probably expected Remus to leave immediately after they were done, but was pleasantly surprised to find that he stuck around. It confirmed his feeling of being able to trust Remus, feeling that this was more than just another business transaction to him and that was a nice feeling.
The bed really was too narrow for the two of them to lie together, but Sirius still greatly appreciated the effort, knowing that both of them had to lie really still to not push the other off of it.
The soft touch to his forearm elicited a soft sigh, unsure of when he had last felt this content and at ease with anything, much less being as vulnerable as he just had been.
Gingerly, Sirius opened his eyes back up, feeling on the brink of falling asleep yet not wanting to miss a moment of this. Despite that, seeing Remus so close to him was almost too much to bear, somehow feeling even more vulnerable now than he had earlier.

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Remus couldn’t help but grin at the sight, finding this shared moment to be so far out of his usual repertoire that it inevitably felt humorous. Despite the intimacy they had just shared, Remus didn’t particularly feel compelled to extend it beyond this, touching but more so out of practical necessity.
That had come to include his knuckles against Sirius’ arm, a lingering touch between them.
“Yeah?” Remus asked with a breathy laugh, an aimless attempt at checking in without too much presumption.
Darkness had fallen around them, and Sirius looked on the brink of sleep, although, even accounting for their leisurely pace, it couldn’t be any more than dinner time. With some semblance of selfishness, Remus would like to disentangle himself from Sirius before he settled in for the night, certain that wasn’t part of the request Sirius had made for this.

The intimacy almost made Sirius feel a little embarrassed, feeling certain that he was sharing too much of himself but he also felt that it was something that he could safely share with Remus; something that he wouldn’t be judged for.
“Yeah,” he sighed, unsure exactly what he was agreeing to, but he knew that it had to be fairly obvious that he was well at ease, still feeling flushed but far too out of it for the embarrassment to properly sink in.
He knew from experience that the shame was going to kick in later, but as he lay there with Remus, naked and intertwined, it was very hard for Sirius to even imagine those feelings.

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Remus’ eyes skimmed over Sirius’ features, more often finding the other’s lips rather than his eyes, the short distance making eye contact difficult to sustain. Sirius was more beautiful than Remus had ever seen him, high points flushed and lips bruised and pink, and though both were a product of kisses they had shared, Remus didn’t move to chase another. It didn’t even cross his mind as a possibility, knowing well that wasn’t what this was.
“Good,” he instead smiled, his gaze meeting Sirius’. “Me too.”
It barely constituted a conversation, but feeling quietly reassured on the terms they had left things on, Remus turned onto his back, one shoulder balancing precariously off of the mattress. In doing so, he disentangled their legs, a prelude to leaving the bed entirely. Craning his neck, he was able to look across to his own desk to his clock, confirming it was just past dinnertime. “Do you wanna head out for tea, then?”

When Remus suddenly moved to untangle himself from their embrace and got out of the bed, Sirius found his head spinning, feeling like something had been violently pulled away from him. He had known what this was going in, yet it still felt like too much to lose Remus’ embrace like this.
The offer to head out for tea did nothing to stabilise Sirius in the situation, knowing that it was probably around dinner time, but he just wasn’t sure what to put into the casual tone.
“Yeah,” he breathed, trying not to make too big a deal of this, even if he had a million questions that he wanted to ask, but knew that he would never dare to.
Instead, he just took a moment to keep looking at Remus, still finding him so unfairly handsome that his heart ached, and the fact that they had just been that close, that intimate, did nothing to soothe that ache.
“Yeah alright.”

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Remus felt the pull of muscle memory deep within him, and he had to make a conscious effort not to leave Sirius’ bedside just so. His touch, however, was devout of intimacy as he reached for Sirius, his fingers barely touching the side of Sirius’ bare calf with little more than friendly reassurance.
“Can I get you anything?” he asked, the question almost clumsy with how foreign it felt in his mouth. It was spoken out of kindness, hesitant to cut ties as abruptly as he did with others; after all, regardless of whether this would ever repeat itself, they would still have to live together.
Remus’ smile widened another bit, but yet again, there was no suggestiveness to it. “Wanna come rinse off with me?”

Unused to this kind of intimacy, Sirius wasn’t sure what to actually do, but he did know that he wanted to remain close to Remus, at least for a little while longer.
The idea of sharing a shower seemed almost too intimate, knowing that that definitely wasn’t part of Remus’ usual MO, but that just made it better for Sirius. To him, it meant that this wasn’t transactional to Remus and that he had slept with him because he wanted to.
It brought a soft smile to his lips.
“Yeah,” he said, sitting up slowly, not wanting to appear as eager as he actually was, keen to extend the intimacy a little while longer, unsure how he was going to manage to go without it ever again.

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Unable not to take note of the almost pliant acceptance of Sirius’ replies, Remus paused to look at him, a soft smile still pulling at his lips. It was enough for him to question whether Sirius dared to reply out of self interest, or if he was simply and uncritically letting Remus shape the tail end of their interaction.
Eventually taking comfort in the smile he saw mirrored on Sirius’ lips, Remus swatted at Sirius’ knee, a boyish little gesture to encourage him onwards. With it, Remus retrieved his hand, taking a step towards their bathroom. “Come on, then. We’re gonna catch a cold.”

Even with the very direct invitation, Sirius still felt like it was too much to go join him.
One thing had been Remus getting to see him naked in the context of sex, that had been nerve wracking enough of its own, but this was something different entirely.
Still though, Sirius found that he wanted to spend more time with Remus like this, liking to be in this bubble of intimacy. It was different from anything that Sirius had ever had before and he was keen to see how far he could take it.
With that in mind, Sirius got out of bed and moved to join Remus in the bathroom, ignoring his nerves.

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Remus had really just meant to rinse off before supper, but sharing the space with Sirius inevitably made it compelling to linger, the modestly sized dormitory shower quickly heating up even despite the December chill that clung to the tile.
He hadn’t asked for permission to do so, but Remus had found it to be almost a matter of course to reach for Sirius. Brushing his soapy palm across Sirius’ chest, Remus carefully washed the fine layer of sweat off of Sirius’ skin. Even as Remus’ thumb brushed across tattooed skin, interested in seeing the ink peer forth between white suds, the touch was kind and so devout of ulterior motives to the point of being almost familiar.
“What do you make of it, then?” Remus had to ask, too curious to be bashful about the topic, eyes darting up to briefly meet Sirius’, a well-meaning but undoubtedly boyish smile pulling at his lips. It felt like they were only here, together, due to a few whiplash decisions on Sirius’ part, and Remus wanted to know if Sirius was at ease with the decision he had made.

Sirius hadn’t known what to expect when he entered the shower with Remus, having tried to keep his expectations for intimacy lower now that he didn’t know exactly where they stood, but nothing could have prepared him for Remus gently washing his sweaty skin.
It turned his mind completely to static to such a degree that he almost didn’t catch Remus’ question, not that he was much better of having done so. The question caused his cheeks to heat back up again, though it was much less apparent due to the blush already there from the heat of the water and the feeling of Remus’ soft touch to his chest.
He wasn’t even entirely sure how he would go about answering the question, still feeling embarrassed from talking about these things but feeling that Remus deserved a proper answer after his revelation earlier.
“I enjoyed it,” he managed to admit to, looking at Remus but mostly because looking down felt far worse than looking at his face.

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“Yeah?” Remus prompted, the quirk of his voice giving away the fact that he was pleased; less due to the implied compliment, and more so with the relief that, even if this was to become awkward going forward, they could at least leave this on good terms.
Remus’ eyes once again darted up to meet Sirius’ gaze, and a smile pulled at his lips. “Good.”
Letting his hand slip from Sirius’ chest to his shoulder, Remus continued to soap up Sirius’ skin, the motions considerably less hesitant there.
His eyes had drifted back to his hand against Sirius’ skin, Remus’ attention remained on Sirius’, glancing at him intermittently; really quite interested in what was going through Sirius’ head. “Anything in particular you enjoyed?”

It was incredibly difficult for Sirius to think of whether there had been anything in particular he had enjoyed, when Remus’ hands were still on him like that making his legs feel like jelly. He didn’t know what it was about Remus that was so different to him, he just knew that this had been something else than anything he had ever experienced before.
“I don’t know,” he muttered, flush still warm on his cheeks as he did so, the memory so vivid in his mind still that even looking at Remus brought it all back. It just wasn’t really in his nature to be able to talk about these things, having never done it before, but he also knew that Remus liked it when he at least tried.
“Liked that you took your time,” he finally managed to choke out, though he was unsure if Remus would actually be able to make it out over the sound of the water.

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Remus could almost see the words tangling up on Sirius’ tongue, but he was in no rush, and as Sirius took a moment to reply, Remus had also brushed his hand across Sirius’ other shoulder. He was still looking at his work, but the way his smile widened, soft and satisfied, was proof that he had, in fact, heard Sirius.
“Have you had to rush through it before?” he asked, a gentle curiosity. Having exhausted the planes of skin he felt like he could reasonably explore, he took half a step back, withdrawing his hands from Sirius to reach for another bit of soap.
Lathering it in his hands, thoughtlessly, his eyes found Sirius again before brushing the suds across his own chest. “I get that that can take the fun out of it.”

Everything seemed like far too much and the entire situation was making Sirius’ head spin, wanting to reach out and touch Remus as well, but also not having the nerve to actually go through with it. Even if Remus’ hands had just been on him, he felt that that part of their relation was over by now.
“Yeah,” he managed to get out, unsure exactly what part of the statement he was actually answering.
Deciding that he needed to focus on something different, he stepped properly under the shower to wash off the soap, needing to do something to distract himself from just staring openly at Remus. He had somehow become even more handsome now, as if the knowledge that he was a kind and gentle lover made him that.
The thought alone was enough to make the blush remain on Sirius’ cheeks.

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Remus’ smile softened, watching Sirius rinse off as he himself soaped himself up. Sirius looked out of his depth, and Remus couldn’t say he carried himself with much experience. It brought an ounce of doubt to the foreground, making Remus question whether or not this tail end had been the right approach, fearing he was asking too much from Sirius; it didn’t seem like Sirius had settled back into himself.
“Well, let me know if it bears repeating,” he said with a smile, shifting his stance thoughtlessly, nowhere to go in the small cubicle. While the offer was meant to punctuate this exchange, it was no less genuine than it had been the first time Remus had said something very akin to this.