Uni Wolfstar AU - iamcrystalqueer and Nymeria

Nymeria · **Posted:** Sun Nov 17, 2024 9:00 am

The feeling of Sirius’ hands on his hips sent needles up Remus’ spine. It was not necessarily a reaction that stemmed from discomfort, but of overwhelmed sensitivity, so much in a single touch.
“Sirius -” Remus blurted before even realising it had spilled out of him, the word a hitched breath.
Remorse almost immediately washed over him. While it had been spoken to gain some distance, Remus’ hands found Sirius’ wrists, holding them still rather than allow Sirius to pull away. There was a beat where Remus simply stared at Sirius, desperately trying to figure out if there was a way to diminish the discomfort of his own reaction, to pretend he hadn’t said anything.
Upon realising there wasn’t a way around it, Remus’ face made a complicated expression, still holding Sirius to such high regard. “I have to talk to you.”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Sun Nov 17, 2024 3:05 pm

The second those words left Remus’ mouth Sirius’ head started spinning, fearing every single implication those words might have but not wanting to panic before he had had a chance to hear him out. He was ready to face the fact that the feelings that had been growing so rapidly for Remus had been too obvious, and that Remus didn’t want that type of relationship with him.
“Yeah?” He asked, trying not to let his trepidation show. He didn’t want to force Remus into a relationship he wasn’t interested in, but the mere idea of losing this things that they had together made Sirius’ heart ache with such a desperation that it honestly scared him.
“What’s up?”

Nymeria · **Posted:** Tue Nov 19, 2024 12:24 pm

For how much time Remus had spent thinking about this, it soon became apparent that the words were incredibly hard to find. He could tell on Sirius’ expression that, even from the get go, Remus had started off wrong, though he struggled to tell whether he had come across too strong or not enough.
Despite loosening his grip around Sirius’ wrists, he didn’t let go, selfishly needing Sirius to stay put and to hear him out. Desperately, Remus’ eyes roamed across Sirius’ face, trying to tell if he already knew.
“I think this might’ve gotten out of hand,” he said, so softly he almost whispered it. “And I think I owe it to you to tell you.”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Tue Nov 19, 2024 2:30 pm

Sirius’ heart dropped in his chest, having been so caught up in being happy with Remus that he hadn’t even considered that he might be making it all up. There had been different moments over the past couple of weeks where Sirius had been convinced that he had seen the adoration he had for Remus mirrored in the other’s eyes, but of course he had made it all up.
“Oh,” was all Sirius really had within him to say as the dreams he had allowed himself to have crumbled between his hands, which was still so gently held up by Remus. If it hadn’t been for him being used to his romantic feelings not being reciprocated, Sirius might have actually cried, so desperate to keep Remus in his life at any cost.

Nymeria · **Posted:** Tue Nov 19, 2024 4:09 pm

Sirius reaction felt like it snuck between Remus’ ribs, a pinprick that managed to knock the wind out of his lungs. Having this conversation with Sirius’ hands still in his felt almost invasively intimate, but until Sirius himself pulled free, Remus couldn’t bear letting go of him.
“I understand if you wanted this to remain casual, but I-” Remus started, feeling the words press at the back of his throat after weeks, if not months, of being suppressed. For how recent the feeling of guilt was, the affection he harboured for Sirius felt ancient.
“It stopped being casual to me a while ago,” he admitted, not having the words to express it any other way. “And I don’t think I can do that anymore, so I have to tell you so I don't feel like I’m taking advantage, or for you to think that I’m pressuring you into anything.”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Tue Nov 19, 2024 4:45 pm

It took Sirius a moment to properly wrap his head around what Remus actually was saying, having accepted his defeat and utter loss of this wonderful thing they had built between them. It was only when he pulled himself out of his head enough to actually listen to what Remus was telling him that Sirius felt a seed of hope in his chest.
It almost seemed too good to be true, but as Sirius looked up at Remus’ face, trying to get a proper read on his flatmate as he had so many times in the past.
“What are you saying here?” He asked, absolutely needing to hear Remus say something concrete before he dared to properly get his hopes up.

Nymeria · **Posted:** Tue Nov 19, 2024 5:15 pm

Sirius’ question made a flush bloom across Remus’ face, suddenly very aware of the conversation they were having. Remus had intentionally been skirting the topic, not wanting to add to the pressure he was already putting on Sirius; upon being asked to be even more direct, however, it soon became apparent that it had also been because it was the easiest way to stomach it.
“I don’t think I can be with you like this anymore,” he reiterated. Despite having had the intention to let go of Sirius’ hands, it felt like wires had crossed somewhere within him, instead giving them an involuntary squeeze. “I like you too much to keep it casual between us, and so I think we should stop.”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Wed Nov 20, 2024 1:14 pm

As Remus talked the absurdity of the situation properly struck Sirius, making a grin appear on his face which just kept growing until, by the end of Remus’ speaking, Sirius couldn’t help but laugh. He had been so stressed about not wanting to wear his feelings for Remus too much of his sleeve, not wanting to pressure him into something he might not want, that he hadn’t even considered that maybe Remus wanted him like that too.
“For someone so smart, you really are very stupid,” Sirius stated, finding it impossible that Remus wouldn’t have been able to see it as well, aware that even with the big effort he had made he hadn’t been able to hide it as well as he wanted to.
Unable to keep in his giddiness at the moment, Sirius’ hands returned to Remus’ hips, pulling him in close and kissing him.

Nymeria · **Posted:** Thu Nov 21, 2024 4:27 pm

Remus was caught completely off guard by the kiss, unable to even meet it. So certain Sirius had misunderstood him, Remus almost immediately turned away from it, guilt wrecking through him.
“Sirius-” he choked, the only real coherent thought going through his mind was what a shame it would be if this constituted their last kiss.
Needing Sirius to stay at a steady distance, Remus grabbed a gentle hold of his face. The sight of him all but punched the air out of his lungs, finding him so beautiful; somehow, especially then and there. “Don’t-”

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Thu Nov 21, 2024 5:08 pm

In his eager not to waste more time, now that he had it confirmed that Remus has feelings for him, Sirius realised that he hadn’t actually returned the favour. It just seemed absurd that Remus wouldn’t be able to tell, wouldn’t be able to see his feelings mirrored on Sirius’ face, but Sirius took a moment to collect himself, wanting to finally get to say the words that he has been keeping in for so long.
He smiles softly as he reached up to place his hands on Remus’ wrists, wanting to keep him close and to make sure that he was actually going to listen to what he had to say.
“I’ve been in love with you for months, Remus,” he stated, feeling the truth of his words ring through him in a way that was utterly undeniable. One things had been realising that he was in love with Remus, but getting to say it out loud after having convinced himself that it was better not to was a whole other level of joy.
“I didn’t want to say anything because I thought you only wanted I casual, but I really don’t want us to stop,” he blabbered on, needing Remus to know and understand just how smitten he was.

Nymeria · **Posted:** Fri Nov 22, 2024 1:57 pm

Sirius’ reply was so different from anything Remus had expected to hear that it all but swept through him without actually managing to hear him, mind somewhere else entirely. It was, however, clear that it had caught on something within him, making his heart stutter with something akin to relief.
In a display of nervous excitement, Remus shifted his hold of Sirius’ face, brushing his palms across Sirius’ temples to push the hair away from his face. Settling at the base of Sirius’ jaw, Remus tugged him slightly closer, angling his chin up.
“What?” he asked, voice barely audible as a fragile smile pulled at his lips, not daring to think he had understood Sirius correctly.

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Tue Nov 26, 2024 3:23 pm

Seeing Remus finally smile made something melt inside Sirius, so taken with the man in front of him that he could barely believe that this would ever come as a surprise. He couldn’t help but smile at well, feeling so incredibly lucky that the man he was so in love with had it within himself to return the feelings.
“I love you, Remus,” he said, grinning from ear to ear, almost feeling like he was about to burst from all the feelings that he was finally allowed to show.
He gave Remus’ wrists a soft squeeze, all but clinging to him and trying to convince himself that he wasn’t simply dreaming.

Nymeria · **Posted:** Wed Nov 27, 2024 12:54 pm

Once again brushing his hands across Sirius’ temples like he was something precious, Remus almost felt like crying.
There was something almost bittersweet in hearing Sirius repeat himself, proof of just how deeply they had been misunderstanding each other and how easy a fix it really was. Remus looked at Sirius with great attention, like his expression was just as valuable to him as the words he was saying.
Feeling everything in him threatening to overflow, good and bad, Remus finally leaned in to kiss Sirius, such a feeling of relief that it felt like air itself.

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Thu Nov 28, 2024 3:25 pm

Sirius returned the kiss with such eager that could only come from accumulation. Obviously, he had been kissing Remus this entire time, but getting to kiss him after telling him that he loved him was different in a way that Sirius couldn’t quite explain.
He removed his hands from Remus’ wrists and instead wrapped them around his waist, wanting to be as close to him as humanly possible, unsure how he would ever be able to let him go again, now that he knew what he knew.

Nymeria · **Posted:** Thu Nov 28, 2024 4:47 pm

The kiss knocked the air out of Remus’ lungs, hit with the incredible, unbelievable weight of Sirius’ affection. It was overwhelming, the increased proximity causing his hands to slip from Sirius’ jaw to his neck, more so an embrace than anything else.
In the grand scheme of things, Remus barely felt like he had allowed himself to process the feelings he had for Sirius beyond realising it had become too much. However, the sheer size of it felt so obvious now, feeling it fill his chest to the point where it was hard to breathe, even though Remus didn’t think he had the words to describe it.
In a clumsy scramble, Remus’ hands returned to Sirius’ hair, tugging him backwards enough for their lips to part, just barely so.
“I think I do, too,” he whispered, everything still too fresh and tender to speak out loud.

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Sat Nov 30, 2024 4:42 pm

Right in that moment, Sirius could have cried, feeling such a deep sense of relief wash over him. He had been so worried that he had read too much into their relation, once again leaving himself to be disappointed, but to hear Remus say even that much was enough for him.
Sirius was grinning from ear to ear, feeling so overwhelmed with love that he could barely stand it.
“I love you so much,” he said, knowing that he had just said it moments before, but it was all that he could think to say. He had been feeling it for so long by now that he just desperately needed Remus to know it, needing to be absolutely sure that Remus would understand just how overwhelmingly in love he was.

Nymeria · **Posted:** Sun Dec 01, 2024 6:16 am

Remus looked at Sirius like he couldn’t quite believe it; neither the words he spoke nor the unbridled happiness visible in his expression, but something selfish within him wanted to soak in it.
Brushing his thumbs across the high points of Sirius’ cheeks, crunched up with his smile, Remus realised that he probably didn’t have as much uncertainty as he thought.
Unable to say it, however, he leaned in to kiss Sirius, hoping that would suffice - that he understood.

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Mon Dec 02, 2024 5:05 pm

Sirius wanted to keep telling Remus that he loved him, having kept it down for so long that he had felt like he was about to explode.
Part of Sirius was almost convinced that he was making the entire thing up, that this wasn’t the actual conversation that they had just had, but he could also tell how this kiss was different from any that they had ever shared before.
Sirius kissed Remus back to try and tell him that he understood, that he knew that this wasn’t the conversation that Remus thought he would be having, but Sirius was desperate to understand and make Remus understand that this was real.

Nymeria · **Posted:** Fri Dec 06, 2024 12:33 pm

___

Given how monumental the conversation had been, Remus felt like very little had changed; probably a testament to how long ago that balance between them had actually tipped.
Class had gone on as usual, though the end of term was creeping ever closer. It had been some days ago that Remus had already laid out his syllabus for the rest of the semester, having found himself staring at a shockingly empty august.
Having a smoke in their dorm window, Remus finally broke the silence with an attempt of something casual, despite having actually been thinking about bringing this up for days.
“Have you made plans for the summer with James?” he said, eyes returning to Sirius as he took another drag.

iamcrystalqueer · **Posted:** Sun Dec 08, 2024 1:47 pm

It probably shouldn’t have surprised Sirius just how little had changed since he had told Remus that he loved him, but it still struck him at times. More than anything, he felt the change in how often he had to stop himself from saying it in public, feeling so desperately behind on letting Remus know that he wanted to tell him every chance he got.
He had been attempting to study, but had become distracted by Remus bringing him a cup of tea, finding that his gaze kept lingering on Remus in the windowsill.
Once he got an excuse to properly look over at Remus, he took it gladly, cupping the cup of tea between his hands and allowing himself to turn around and properly look at him with a soft smile on his lips.
“Not really,” he stated with a sip of his tea, usually not one to make summer plans, finding that he usually found ways to keep busy. “I might give Lily and James a day off and take Harry to the zoo or something, but no set plans.”
After having told Remus that he loved him, Sirius found that he had become even more beautiful, somehow more relaxed and quicker to displays of affection. It made him feel giddy, knowing that he was happier than he had been in years.
“Are you going back to Wales?”

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Uni Wolfstar AU - iamcrystalqueer and Nymeria

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