January 11th, 2014. In response to my recent hardships in school, caused by my arrogantly chosen course selection for my junior year in high school.
The search for happiness is a long and lonely journey.
I'm seventeen, and yet, I feel I've accomplished so little. It's as if I only exist, under my parent's jurisdiction, to feed what I can feel in compliance with the popular culture that my personality chooses to accept. It's a terrible feeling, filled with Facebook and Youtube; the zombie makers of a sanitary society.
And oh my school. I suffer through, but I can only try so hard a few days out of the week. And for what? My atrocious grades? I have skills, sure. I can articulate well, I'm a decent problem solver, I don't crack easily under pressure, organization and leadership come easily to me, and yet, my transcript reads to me: failure. It's as if the skills that I have and wish to present to society are covered and hidden by my procrastination. And it's not as if I procrastinate on everything. In the general, I work daily. It's hard grueling work too, whether it's pushing carts through the snow or landscaping under the burning sun. I am not a lazy person, and yet, when it comes to my biology homework, I just never get to do it. I don't like it at all, I hate it, but that's all the world seems to recognize from people of my age.
I feel told, constantly, that because I can't make beautiful grades, I must be worth less, I must have less to offer to the world than the person going to Harvard. While I may wish it, I simply can't believe this to be true. Forget traditional school, forget the box cutters that would shape our children. I want more than someone telling me that I my worth is dictated by one of five letters; I'm worth them all, and I'll have what I want in this world.
To all of you who can't make the good grades, for whatever the reason, because you can't understand or because you're too busy smoking weed, life is what you make it.
Make it yours.
December 23rd, 2013. I found myself angry after a conversation with my mother, in which she blatantly criticized me for my interest in the Book of Mormon. I'm Christian, as basic as I'll ever declare, but I have no right to my faith if I don't scrutinize it and those others hold around me.
In truth, the more I live and come to understand the people I live with, the more I despair.
When I read about things like the Big Bang Theory, I tend to find knowledge and truth tainted by the hand that searched for it. Scientists, in an attempt to understand the existence of all apply their minds to find a shaped box for which to place the universe. And frankly I believe, as a Christian, that is one of the most important things the human race can do together; to search for the truth.
What bothers me is the scientists who accept things like the Big Bang Theory and the Theory of Evolution as fact. They are not fact, hence the reason they're called theories. They have problems and cannot be explained. That is not to say that these theories won't be given explanation and certainly not that they shouldn't be, but it's upsetting when someone talks to me about these things as if they're already set in stone. As if my beliefs are invalid because some amazing atheist drew upon his obviously superior intellect and provided the solution to cure me of my chronic stupidity.
But, you know who else bugs me?
Christians.
For the love of the God some of us pretend to serve, could we please stop embarrassing ourselves by being willfully ignorant? There is a reason the scientific community thinks Christians are stupid, and it's because half the time we act like it. The search for truth, science, is not a hate crime against God. It is the attempt for humans to grasp God's creation with what we can perceive. An understanding of what I find to be fear, agitates me to no end. It's as if my Christian companions feel a monster lurking just beyond the view of our knowledge and wisdom, waiting to destroy our lives, so carefully arranged by organized religion. In the face of this, I must ask, why would you claim to serve a God if you're so unwilling to see Him and His works revealed?
Truthfully, I think we will find God, as plainly depicted by the Bible, if we look deeply enough. But that is not to say that it would be impossible to find the absence thereof, nor would it truly be searching if I were to blatantly deny the existence of events such as the Big Bang Theory or the Theory of Evolution. But, if I don't look, and look for everything, how can I claim anything to be true? If I don't look for everything, there is no point in looking for anything, because I have already made my final discovery in the parameters with which I set my search.
The same is true for anyone with an opinion; it is the nature of such. If you do not accept the existence of every possibility, you deny yourself the ability to find what actually exists.
In light of such, I would call, if my voice were strong enough, for our people to look, but not for something; rather, for what is there.
February 24th, 2014. I had a quick conversation with a friend about whether or not existence was dependent on perception. This is what happened.
Please beware before you embark on this journey with me, I do not speak of light topics. They are not controversial to the general public, I will not be discussing anything likely to be seen in a flame war on YouTube. However, as I have said, I do not speak of light topics. Agreement and consideration of my thoughts will give no quick satisfaction, as you will find that I seek no resolution, and nor do I offer any.
Let us begin.
Absent of the infinitely more personal and situational religious affiliation we humans hold, I have my internal self wandering around the corollaries between existence, perception, and conscience. Of course, upon themselves, they seem almost self explanatory, and I could almost feel they are certainly observable within ourselves.
But then again, everyone's heard of the Matrix movies.
If you haven't, the premise is that a gathering of superior beings gather and force humans into a deep slumber, in which they dream and experience an alternate universe whilst our aggressors harvest our body heat for energy. Unfortunately, if one were to empathize with this too deeply, they might find themselves questioning the legitimacy of their own existence.
I find myself in this position today.
I ask myself constantly, this reality of which only I may experience, I ask, is it true? My perception is unique, but it is dependent of the understanding my conscience derives from my experiences. Thus, it would seem there is an unfathomable accuracy to the ideas of men such as René Descartes, the man who spoke the words "Cogito ergo sum," or "I think, therefore I am." After all, if I am here to experience things, and my conscience is my own, observable by the equally observable variance of people, how could I not be my own? If we were to delve into this idea more deeply, in order for the events that I am unaware of, the moments in time my conscience mind understand that give way to experiences, would not there need to be at least one other existence to create these pockets of unexpected events? And even if one were to argue that these could all be fabricated events of my own design, does not the existence of the fabrication give proof of the existence of a being to create the fabrication?
That is to say, nothing will only create nothing, and if I am not here, there would be nothing, and as I am able to experience something, there cannot be nothing. Therefore, I must be here.
I must be.
However, that doesn't say much about you, my friend.
This has brought me to another question, one that could possibly contradict the previous idea. The question is this; is existence independent or dependent on perception? While it may seem completely reasonable that I think, and therefore I am, does it really matter? For instance, if I were to not think that I existed, could I still exist? Does the simple exclusion of an idea from the mind remove it from existence?
I think not, that would be ridiculous.
I would argue that existence is not dependent on perception, it does not care what you think. I cannot simply think something gone. Perhaps I could blot it from my own perception, but we have all witnessed people who believe things that are completely false. Of course, though history may be written by the victor, the facts, as opposed to the ultimate truth (another discussion), are decided by what is perceived and accepted by the largest number of people. Thus, things may not always be recorded true, and you may not always see what's true, but this is much different than the truth of our singular existence.
Alas, that is not the kind, final conclusion.
No, the most cruel consequence of thought is quite maddening.
Because, though your perception may prove your existence, your existence is not dependent on your perception.
Have a good day, friends.
