Sirius gasped as Remus pushed him against the wall of their entryway, eagerly meeting Remus’ passion with one to match. Despite knowing that James was very much home and really not that far from them, Sirius completely allowed himself to indulge in everything that was Remus.
He eagerly wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck, stretching slightly to be able to properly meet his lips in the kiss. Even if their height difference was only barely noticeable, it still made Sirius’ head spin that he had to stretch to be able to kiss him properly. It was a stupid thing and it only served to make Sirius feel all the more giddy about the kiss.

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It was really hard for Remus to maintain a rational thought when he first got to hear Sirius sigh into the kiss. It completely clouded his mind, and for a long, dizzying moment, all Remus wanted was to hear that sound again.
The door to Remus' room wasn't more than a few yards away, and yet Remus' hands grew more purposeful rather than make any move to get them out of the foyer. It was dumb - pitiful and desperate, if Remus was to be honest - but in the darkness of the windowless hallway Remus had yet to feel overwhelmed.
Knowing it was only a matter of time before reality caught up to them, Remus' hands abandoned Sirius' hips to instead trail the waistband of Sirius' jeans.
Remus, too, made a little sound when he broke the kiss, only leaning away enough for Remus to read Sirius' expression. The only source of the light was the sliver of streetlight illuminating the kitchen. Even in the sparse lighting, it was clear that Sirius, too, was only barely keeping it together. It was mouthwatering.
"Could I?" Remus added to a question that felt like it had been asked a lifetime ago. His heart was beating out of his chest, and his voice was breathless to match.
His lips were once again only inches away from Sirius, and though his hands had found the button of Sirius' jeans, they too stalled at the question. There was an undeniable grin in his voice as he leaned in, muttering the clarification against Sirius' jaw. "Taste you."

Sirius was convinced that his legs were going to give out under him with the way that Remus was looking at him. He hadn’t thought that anyone was going to hold this much power over him, but he knew, right then and there, that Remus could do whatever he wanted to him and all he could ever do would be to beg for more.
He felt absolutely pitiful as he looked up at Remus, feeling like the world was spinning and having only Remus’ shoulders to stabilise himself with. It was stupid, but god if he didn’t want it with all of his body and soul.
“Please,” Sirius breathed, glad to be resting against the wall, because he felt certain that he otherwise would have fallen down. In the scarce light of the hallway, Sirius could almost imagine that this was just some hookup, something he had been used to from back in the day, but whenever he got to look at Remus’ face he knew that it was probably more than that. This could be very dangerous, yet Sirius didn’t have it in him to tell Remus to stop.

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When Sirius gave his consent - pleaded it - Remus' lips were quick to leave Sirius skin, desperate to match a visual to the sound. Everything about the interaction had Remus' nerves on his sleeves, finding that everything that Sirius did sent a thrill of anticipation down Remus spine.
Once that Remus had Sirius properly in his sight, his smile was nothing short of pure excitement.
It was so hard to process. Sirius was beautiful beyond Remus' comprehension and yet, right then and there, Remus felt certain he could make him sigh no matter in what way Remus touched him. It was unlike anything else Remus had yet to experience, and he had every intention to indulge in it.
Finally leaning in to cross the distance, Remus' lips found Sirius' in another kiss, Remus' desperation matching Sirius'.
Leaning into the embrace and the support the wall behind Sirius offered, Remus' hands left the fly of Sirius' jeans entirely. Without breaking the kiss, though arguably, struggling to properly and fully reciprocate it, Remus shrugged off his jacket, letting it fall to the floor without a care for it.
Remus had resettled into the embrace, yet found it was only then that his lips left Sirius' with a sigh. He was looking down at this hands when he undid the button of Sirius' jeans, but looked up to read Sirius' expression when he undid the fly.

The way that Remus seemed to shine from pure excitement made Sirius’ heart skip a beat, feeling like he almost couldn’t breathe by how Remus seemed to be all over him. Still he wanted even more from the other man, desperate to know how he would feel against him. It felt so different to have Remus look so thrilled almost by the mere prospect of them touching each other, as if Sirius was some price that he had won and not a cheap hookup.
Sirius was eagerly trying to keep up with Remus, feeling another thrill of excitement as he dropped his jacket, suddenly feeling that things got a little more real at that. He had no idea what Remus actually had in mind but he knew that he would take whatever Remus was willing to give him. He just really wanted him.

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Remus should have known better. He knew exactly what position this would put them in, and exactly how indescribably complicated it was for him to exist in. Nothing about it was made easier by the fact that they were living together; Sirius was unavoidable for as long at Remus stayed a tenant of James'.
Remus would have known better if Sirius wasn't Sirius.
Remus had barely touched him, and still Remus couldn't bare the thought of leaving this unexplored. They had done far too many regrettable things for this to make a difference; they were past the point of pretending this wasn't something they both wanted.
When Remus' fingers finally dipped beneath the waistband of Sirius' pants, he leaned in to meet the intimacy of the gesture with a kiss. The kiss itself had softened, growing almost chaste in how brief it was.
Remus was, however, grinning when he dropped to his knees.

-
Once finished, Sirius pulled Remus right back up, feeling weak in his legs as he held onto Remus to properly kiss him. It almost seemed too good to be true and Sirius just wanted to make the most of their time together. After all, he had no idea whether or not this was going to be something they were going to keep doing once they’re were doing here, so he felt that the least he could do was to returned to favour.
His hands, which had been on Remus’ face to kiss him, dropped down to the waistband of his pants, feeling fairly confident about where they were going with this.

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It would be a lie to say Sirius' continued interest hadn't surprised Remus. The fact that Sirius expressed interest in Remus of any kind was incredulous enough to begin with, and even more so that Sirius, even with nothing more to gain from the interaction, still didn't seem like he could keep his hands away from Remus.
Caught off guard, it took Remus a heartbeat to relax back into Sirius' proximity, only then managing to barely reciprocate the kiss.
It, however, quickly proved that reality would in fact catch up to them. It all hit Remus like a freight train the moment Sirius' hands were at his belt. It made Remus choke out a sound against Sirius' lips.
Even while doing everything in his power to suppress the immediate sense of panic, Remus' hands still caught Sirius' wrists rougher than intended.
"It's okay," Remus muttered, barely leaning out of the kiss.
His head was spinning, wanting nothing more than to keep close to Sirius yet also desperately needing a way out of this interaction, knowing they had reached a bridge Remus wasn't prepared to cross.
Wanting to soften what was a clear-cut rejection of the caress, Remus let go of Sirius' hands to instead cup his face.
Remus leaned in to meet Sirius' lips in a proper, more tender kiss, before yet again leaning out of the kiss and into speaking distance. "It's okay. I should go to bed, I have school tomorrow."

The violence with which Remus removed his hands hit Sirius like a ton of bricks, feeling like he indeed had misread the situation and had overstepped his boundaries. More than anything else, Sirius was just left confused, because he had been convinced that Remus had wanted him only seconds ago, but the fact that he didn’t want any reciprocation almost made Sirius feel nauseous. He had no way of know what it was really about, but he truly doubted that it was the fact that Remus had school tomorrow.
The tenderness of their last kiss only served to confuse Sirius even more, desperately wanting to much more from their interaction but clearly Remus didn’t want that from him. His confidence about their situation, how kind and tender Remus had been and how Sirius had been convinced that this was more than a hookup, suddenly stood on shaky ground and he felt like the biggest fool.
Obviously, Remus was smarter than being with someone like Sirius and that was clear to him now. It had been stupid to get his hopes up in the first place, but it still didn’t help as the rejection set in his body, making him feel sick to his stomach.
“Right,” he said, his voice that in as he averted his eyes. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to look properly at Remus right now, not without crying. “Of course.”

_________________

Remus was quick to remove his hands from Sirius' face, painfully aware of the fact that Sirius no longer wanted to meet his eye. He felt nauseous, not wanting to be in a context where Remus needed to force Sirius too look at him.
Uncomfortable, Remus took a step out of the embrace.
Rationally, Remus understood Sirius' hurt, yet found himself unable to say anything that could undo without risking ruining Remus in the process. In turn, it made Remus fingers itch, once again wanting to ease the discomfort between them with another gentle touch.
It was, however, painfully clear that his touch was no longer welcomed. It made Remus absolutely sick to his stomach.
"Goodnight," Remus muttered, not knowing what else to say.
By now, he wasn't looking at Sirius either, but still paused in his proximity for the time it took the world to stop spinning. The feeling of regret hit him the same moment the sickening feeling of being drunk had impacted his balance, finding that the world was slipping around him now that he was no longer allowed to steady himself against Sirius.
With an awkward little nod, barely casting a glance at Sirius, Remus finally moved. Leaving Sirius behind in the entryway, Remus slipped inside his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Feeling completely at a loss, Sirius so desperately wanted to pull Remus back, just to get to feel his close proximity once more. It was not going to change anything, that much Sirius could already tell, but he already missed how easy it had felt to be around Remus all evening, stealing kisses and touches whenever possible, and it felt like torture to go back to not touching him again.
As Remus left, Sirius snuck a peek at him, which only caused him to feel even worse about it all.
Remus had his back turned to him, making his sudden departure feel all the more real and Sirius almost felt like he could cry. It was stupid to cry about something that had never ever really been anything, yet Sirius still found himself mourning what he had hoped they could be.

_________________

_______________________

Remus had spent the day feeling awful, too many things adding to the utter feeling of exhaustion and mortification Remus felt when he climbed the stairs of their building.
Over the course of the last 48 hours, Remus had barely slept what amounted to full nights sleep; last night, he had slept so poorly and for such a brief amount of time that Remus had attended his 9 am lecture still drunk from the night before. At no point had the memory of Sirius left his mind, instead prompting a pitiful feeling of regret and uresolvenment.
It certainly hadn't made it easier to face his classmates. Lily had been waiting for it, Remus had been able to tell as soon as she approached her. She was grinning, brimming over with smug pleasure far before she even got the chance to comment a casual got distracted last night?. It hadn't even occurred to Remus that he had promised to catch up with her and Kingsley last night, making him blush bright red at the realisation of just how truly immersed he had been in Sirius' company. And, even worse so, how quick Remus had been to dismiss him when he expressed that he wanted him, too.
It had made for a rough day.
Remus felt fuzzy at the edges when he unlocked the door to the flat. It was the early afternoon, and any lingering feeling of intoxication had tipped into an awful headache. Even the flat itself seemed to add to the already brewing feeling of discomfort, finding the entryway itself haunted with the sheer look of disappointment on Sirius' face, when Remus had pulled away from him.
No matter the mortification Remus felt because of it, it still sent a thrill through him, making his heart do a flip. It made him feel awful for lingering at the memory like that, desperately wishing the evening to have had a different, better, outcome.
"Hey," he called out, aimlessly. He could hear the shower running as he kicked off his shoes, not expecting his greeting to be heard.
Not that he minded, having every intent of creeping beneath his covers for a nap.

The morning had been absolute hell for Sirius and he had only just now gotten back home.
He hadn’t expected to go to work today, it was his day off after all and that was why he had been out drinking in the first place, but it had been an emergency and Sirius knew that he had had to go in. He had been completely beat, much to the teasing and excitement from his coworkers, but he had been focused on just fixing the bike they had gotten in.
It was an open secret in the garage that Sirius probably wasn’t on the same team as the rest of them, but i had never been confirmed and Sirius had no interest in doing so. Not because he feared that he would get a poor reaction, more because he liked to see them all suffer.
As Sirius got back home the rejection from the night before suddenly washed over him all over again and he almost felt like crying. He knew that it was ridiculous and that there was no reason for him to get this upset about it, yet Sirius also knew that it was too hard for him to let it go.
He heard the water running in the bathroom and thus decided to go to the kitchen instead, needing desperately to get his hands washed and to get something to eat. He had only just managed to turn on the water and was soaping in his hands when he heard the front door open and Remus’ voice rang through the flat. The voice sent a shiver down Sirius’ spine, finding that the normalcy of Remus’ called greeting was too much for him to handle and it took him a moment before he was able to steel himself and not just break down.
“Hi,” he replied, focusing on getting his hands washed properly and not even daring to think about whether or not Remus was going to join him in the kitchen.

_________________

Remus couldn't properly articulate why he thought Sirius was in the shower, and still it managed to take him aback. With James attending uni too, Remus almost expected them to have identical schedules.
"Hi," Remus repeated, more steadfastly now that he realized here was someone at the other end of the conversation.
Lingering in the entryway long enough to shrug off both his bookbag and jacket, Remus finally took the decision to properly greet Sirius.
Remus was both exhausted and hungover, but the regret that filled him stemmed solely from having refused Sirius an honest answer or explanation. While Remus had no intention of offering it now, either, he still peered into the kitchen, not wanting to fall back into an old habit of avoiding even looking Sirius in the eye.
Remus found him at the sink, back turned against him and for a split second, Remus mind understood that as an intentional rejection. It made him hesitate in his stance, resisting the instinct to properly entering. Only then did he notice the oil stains on Sirius' trousers.
"Have you been at work?"
The way Remus sounded surprised by the revelation made him sound like he had cut himself off. In reality, Remus didn't know what to say to Sirius, at least not when he was unable to read his expression. It was hard telling whether or not Sirius rather wanted him gone. "Didn't hear you when I left."

Sirius was torn between wanting Remus back close to him, if nothing else to just get back to the very tentative friendship they had before all this, and between never wanting to see him ever again. It was an overreaction and Sirius definitely knew that it was an overreaction. They had never promised each other anything, so there was no reason for Sirius to feel as betrayed as he did, even if he was very and terribly hurt by the entire ordeal.
Still, he vaguely recognised the attempt of conversation as an olive branch to save the peace and Sirius figured that he was going to have to take it. They were going to have to keep living together after all and it was better to make it less awkward if he could.
“Yeah, was an emergency,” he stated, scrubbing his hands and still not managing to look up at his flatmate. It still hurt him too terribly much but he was willing to at least give it a go.
“How was school?”

_________________

It was hard to interpret what Sirius wanted of Remus, making it that much more obvious that Remus was pointlessly loitering at the doorway. Sirius was clearly scrubbing grease off of his hands, and so, the fact that he had yet to look at him felt somewhat justified, even though it made Remus feel uneasy.
At the bare minimum, Sirius had entertained Remus' meeker attempt of a conversation, and so, Remus felt at least obligated to reply.
"It was okay," Remus replied, knowing they would be perfectly capable of ending the interaction there.
It created a pause as Remus considered just leaving. He desperately wanted to sleep the physical and emotional tension off but, in that moment, it felt just as violently leaving Sirius now as it had last night.
So, with movements that were more timid than the boldness of the decision, Remus entered the kitchen, pulling out the chair from under the table. This hadn't felt necessary, but what did was letting Sirius know not only that he was seating himself, but that he no longer stood blocking the only exit out - if it were to come to that.
"I guess. I almost overslept," Remus added, a careful smile to his voice as he sat himself by the table. Sirius' back remained in his sight, nervously picking at his fingers at the prospect of Sirius turning around to face him.
There wasn't any infliction in Remus voice, not wanting to pretend he couldn't remember what had happened, but he didn't know how to address it either. Sirius hadn't offered his take on it all, but if Sirius wanted nothing to do with him, Remus didn't want to force it.

it was undeniable that Sirius felt his nerves skyrocket the second he sensed that Remus entered the kitchen fully. He had noticed that Remus had seemed to loiter in the doorway and he had had no idea what to make of that. In fact, he really had no idea what to make of any of it, but he figured that the least he could do was to make some polite conversation with his flatmate. That was what they were and that was probably for the better.
“Yeah?” He asked, having a fairly good idea why Remus had been close to oversleeping, but found that it was probably better if he didn’t address that. They didn’t need the extra stress on their interaction with each other, so instead Sirius just finally dried off his hands and turned to look at Remus.
It was just as overwhelming as he thought that it would be.
Remus looked absolutely wrecked and while Sirius knew that a lot of it was the hangover and the lack of sleep, he knew that he had been a large part of it himself and that was a dangerous thing to know. It wasn’t like Sirius himself was in a much better shape, having gone to bed immediately after Remus had left him, but had been unable to find rest.
He was certain that he looked like hell.
“Was it at least worth it to drag yourself to school then?”

_________________

Remus had parted his lips at Sirius' further questioning, but whatever he had intended to say never left his lips. Sirius had turned to face him, and any sense of clarity or continuity completely disappeared from Remus consciousness.
Remus wasn't above pretending that he hadn't shut the door last night and gotten off thinking of Sirius. Too much of a coward to actually indulge in it, Remus had laid sleepless thinking of things he wished he had done to Sirius, or let Sirius do to him.
Some of that had to be visible in the way he was unable to form a reply, confronted with the unequivocal fact that Sirius was far more breathtaking that Remus had been able to picture him.
It caused another pause, Remus' brain buffering at the attempt to correct any mental image. It made his reply that much more honest, caught off guard.
"I don't know," he huffed in a little laugh, flustered by it all. His eyes dipped, still tearing at a cuticle. "Probably not."
Whether or not that would be interpreted as regret for not sticking around longer in Sirius' company, Remus couldn't tell. He knew it wouldn't have made a difference anyway, but he heard it as soon as he said it out loud.
"I was still drunk for the first lecture," he added, trying to lighten the mood. His eyes once again met Sirius', carefully trying to find a common recollection of the night before.
He managed to meet Sirius' eye for another few seconds, before it inevitably grew too daunting. Remus once again adverted his eye, looking down at his finger. "I had fun last night, though."

The tension between them was thick enough to cut with a knife and Sirius almost felt suffocated by it. The air was heavy with things that were unsaid from the night before and things that probably should remain unsaid still. However, it seemed almost impossible to Sirius to get a proper scope of Remus and figure out what he was trying to accomplish. The rejection still stung brightly in Sirius’ memory, feeling humiliated by how he had misread the situation and put them in an awkward situation.
Thus the mention of the night before startled Sirius, who had felt absolutely certain that Remus would have felt nothing but regret about the entire ordeal. The comment had been surprising enough to get Sirius to fall silent, trying to analyse Remus’ stance to figure out if he was pulling his leg. His surprise wasn’t lessened any when he came to the conclusion that Remus was telling the truth, or that he at least seemed sincere.
“Yeah?” He asked, finding the question a little lame, but he had no idea what else to say. There were a ton of things that he wanted to ask Remus but none of them seemed appropriate for the relation they actually had and thus Sirius didn’t dare. He didn’t want to mess up even more than he already had.
“Worth the hangover?” He added, feeling that it was too ballsy the second the question had left his lips, so he averted his gaze, unsure if he would be able to actually look at Remus as he got the answer.

_________________

The straightforwardness of Sirius' question took Remus aback. Whatever tentative smile had been growing was completely wiped off his expression and for a moment, Remus looked like he expected Sirius to go on, eyes once again finding the other.
Even though nothing about Sirius' tone made the question sound like a challenge, Remus still feared that Sirius disagreed so fiercely that his annoyance had tipped over into incredulousness. When no further elaboration came, Remus felt the dread resettle in the pit of his stomach.
The conversation was vulnerable enough to have, but much more so when Sirius wasn't looking at him. Parting his lips a moment before speaking, Remus eventually had to face the music.
"Yeah."
The answer was simple, flustered in its honesty. Remus' nervous fidgeting had stopped, but his eyes kept dipping to his hands.
"I think so, at least," came the addition, this sounding more timid than anything else. Sirius had expressed his interest through the entirety of the evening, but Remus had yet to experience it in this conversation. It made him feel vulnerable, like he was overcommitting to something Sirius no longer had any use for.
The picking at his fingers had begun anew when Remus went on, eyes still lowered.
"I know I left it all kinda rushed, but I really did have fun," he clarified, forcing any sense of confidence in his voice. Though he wasn't confident in this interaction, he was speaking truthfully, and Sirius deserved to know that Remus understood the harm done by his actions.
Finally, Remus looked back up at Sirius. No smile had reestablished itself, but his voice was softly apologetic. "I'm sorry if that meant you didn't have a good time."