Lydell immediately flipped open her cell phone and dialed her boss's number. "Sir, I think he did it again; this would be number seven. We should figure out how to hire this guy on board if he's right. He says he can hear the girl crying at the parsonage next to the church. How sick could that minister be, I knew something didn't feel right when we visited there."

***** FIVE MINUTES BEFORE HAND *****


"Shhh ... shhh ... he's in his trance now" Lydel stated flatly; as an integrator, it floored her that she had to stay behind the one way window. Although she had been present in previous cases and knew Samuel quite well, she was not allowed in the room. So, she had to carefully communicate any of her questions to his guardian, Lisa. If Samuel was successful in this session, it would be the seventh successful trance in the past couple of years. It was early August, though, and Lydell was warned this could be the final trance for the year.

"I'm worried about him; his mental condition seems to worsen every time he does this. You know he originally wasn't going to come here today." Lydell tipped her hat at her male doctor friend; but right now, Lydell didn't particularly care about Samuel's inner feelings.

**Inside**

In a transcendental state, the subject of much speculation suddenly shouted out loud, "Lisa! Lisa, please hold my hand, I'm feeling lost in my thoughts." This confusion of heart was quite mild to the storms that usually possessed him; with a single touch from Lisa, he suddenly went to work. "Religion? Why am I seeing churches ... steeples, a church. I'm feeling loved for once, someone is paying attention to me. It feels great; no, wait. It doesn't feel great. Not anymore; someone is hurting me. Oh, my heart is breaking. The person I trusted, the person I loved is now using me. Why did I go with him that afternoon at the grocer's? No wait ... I have to think of this girl's name. Melissa ... yeah, that's who we're looking for, Melissa."

Then there was nothing; a deep concentration. "Okay, I can see the church again; some sort of church of the good shepherd. The house next to it, it belongs to the leader. It's a dark place; he's not even paying attention to her anymore ... he's not paying attention to me anymore; not unless he wants something. Lisa ... Lisa ... this is awful, Lisa. He's getting tired of her ..." The trance was starting to lose its effectiveness because the feelings were getting too jumbled.

It was for this reason Samuel was strapped in a bed; so far, a straight jacket was not needed as he posed a threat only to himself.

"Lisa! He doesn't want her anymore; Lisa, it's like me. They don't want me anymore, I'm just in the way now. Help us; HELP US!" The feelings overwhelmed his mind like a raging river that would soon flood out the bridge; the water's power jumbled everything together. Samuel could no longer make sense of anything that was coming to his senses. He tried to squirm his way out, jump out, even tear whatever was holding him down in the bed. "No! Too much; you bastards! How could you expect me to do this every time? Why did I let you talk me into it?" Suddenly, he shouted as loud as he could. Had he been free of constraints, he would have harmed himself by now. Each episode ended similarly; first a loud shouting at the top of his lungs, then his eyes would roll to the top of his eyelids momentarily. Then, a complete let down. Exhaustion would set in and he would collapse back inside of himself.

The door to the room opened and the doctor came in quickly with his clipboard. Looking at Lisa, he said, "I said it before, and I'll say it again. This is a blessed curse. I hope we can wake him this time."

At first she just saw him as another patient and did not think much about her work. As time passed, her opinion changed and she became more and more driven to help him.

Whenever Lisa was helping Samuel through one of his little sessions as they were she was never comfortable. She felt shaky, whether it was from anticipation or the fact that she knew he must be going through a lot of mental pain whenever he was in this trance-like state. When he called to her, that was when she knew that it had begun, she immediately held his hand tightly and held her breath feeling her heart pounding in her chest. She held her breath while he spoke and every word was taken in clearly. The others might not care about his emotional state whenever he endured one of these sessions but she has always been different. This must have been so painful for him but she knew it had to be done in order to save him. Being right there with him, she wanted to find some way to end his pain and suffering.

“Blessed curse…” she said out loud as she stared at Samuel’s unconscious form once the vision he was having passed. The door behind her swung open and the doctor entered, her attention was brought to him and she let go of Samuel’s hand. “He has lasted longer this session than the last. The extra session might have been much but at least we have some progress, I’m proud of him, we might finally have something.” As uncomfortable as she was there was something intriguing about Samuel. She just had to learn more about him, maybe when this was all over, whenever that would be. His case was unlike anything she has ever seen before, truly a blessed curse, this gift he had was truly something incredible. She had a gift of her own which was seen as something on a different level but she felt it paled in comparison to what Samuel had.

The doctors were convinced that he had the power to do incredible things.

Lisa got out of the chair she had been sitting in and grabbed her clipboard. She was going to need to compare notes from prior sessions. “Though… maybe I’m missing something…” Her words were spoken somewhat absently. She had seen it herself, there was no reason for her to disagree that he definitely had potential, they just had to get over this one hurdle, which was indeed very difficult to accomplish. There were several of them to be more specific, all blocking his mind and preventing him from tapping into his abilities full potential. Once they did that they were in the clear, but Samuel was so damaged Lisa often wondered if she would be able to do anything for him at all. This had been the furthest they had broken the ice, which was why she was so proud. Progress boosted her confidence greatly and meant she would be keeping her job.

“This vision seems a little more intense than the last…” she started muttering to herself. It had become an automatic thing since she began working. “You,” pointing to one of the doctors, “I need you to wake him up,” her order was clear. “Maybe we can get him to wake up this time…”

_________________

Planks. Sometimes Sam felt like he was walking very narrow planks. Like in the dream he was having now. There were four very narrow planks that jettisoned over the sea and they met to one bigger landscape of freedom. Where he was standing, he saw these narrow planks with words written over them. One plank said "Pain"; another said "light"; another said "seascape". The fourth one said "love". They all met over to a beautiful place across the sea; he could make out Lisa on the other side encouraging him to come over. Yet, he also saw other people there as well; his Mom. His Dad and family. Other people that seemed angry with him.

As he looked at his recurring dream, he realized he didn't want to try to cross the narrow planks. There was no room for him to cross the ocean chasm; further, he did not know if he wanted to reach the other side. Was the path to happiness truly lined with angry people? There was Lisa; maybe when he got to the other side, she could protect him. But, there was no guarantee. Although she seemed to beckon him move forward, he instead wished to jump back into the black sea below. It was easy for him to just to walk off and fall; there seemed to be no fear in the falling.

Jumping off the land into the black sea caused him to awaken; he was not fully conscious, but he did hear a couple of people in the room. Sounds of Lisa, the doctor, and he thought, Lydell. "I can't wait, I'm on call for another case; tell him when he wakes up we just arrested the guy, he was about to shoot the girl. We were so lucky he came in today, and the family is very grateful … hey, Lisa. Give me a call when you're able, we could really use you guys on our cases. Gotta go."

He was still very groggy, but becoming familiar with his surroundings again was getting easier. As he opened his eyelids, he saw Lisa and the Doctor both writing furiously on their clipboard.

"Hey … where, I mean … what is … well, I know what is going on. I'm having trouble … I mean." Reaching up, he tried to get the cobwebs out of his head.

"Can we go home now, I really want to go home to Lisa's house … I mean, to my room in Lisa's house … I mean, to my room." Why did it seem so difficult for him to own his own room without feeling like he was putting someone else out? Or was it really her room that he was just borrowing for the time being? Boundaries; it was a little mysterious to him.

"And … you know … I heard what the cop said. While I am happy about the outcome, I am sad because maybe I'm just a number to them. Just a way to get business done. I don't know, I … I'm examining stuff too much. I'm sorry, I'll shut up now." To which he turned himself inward which was a very comforting feeling for him; he could be aware of everything that was going on, yet be lost in his own little world where nothing ever goes wrong and where no one ever gets hurt. Problem was, he was too lonely there.

“No problem, I’ll call you later.” Lisa, glancing up from her clipboard, had said in response. She jotted a little note for herself to follow through. Once Lydell had left Samuel seemed to come back to reality, much faster than last time. She jotted down a few more notes on her clipboard. He had woken up on his own this time around. This was a pretty amazing accomplishment in Lisa’s book. She briefly thought back to the first few times that he had come in to do these sessions. It had been nearly impossible to wake him up; it had to be done physically, almost forcefully, he had retreated into his shell once he had woken up. This time things had definitely gone a lot more smoothly. Perhaps sometime in the near future Samuel would be completely open with her and everyone else around him.

When she finished comparing her notes and adding what needed to be added, she slipped her pen into her pocket and tucked her clipboard under her arm. She usually kept it with her, just in case she needed to write something down, lest she forget it. She walked over to Samuel, “Yes, we’re going to go home now. You did well today, Samuel.” With baited breath, she waited for a response but was let down. She let out a sigh, shaking her head when she noticed he had retreated back into that shell of his again. In a perfect world, she would have eliminated the shell in which he retreated by now. All she wanted was to get him out of his shell. She wanted him to fight away his demons… she wanted to have a relationship with him that didn’t involve her to tread lightly.

“Come on…” She said softly, undoing Samuel’s restraints so he could sit up. “We’re going home.” She repeated, attempting to bring him back to a state where he would respond to her. This really was difficult. Was a relationship with him too much to ask? Was what they were doing really a good thing? It had taken such a long time to let her come into his life and persuade Samuel to use his gift, to and help him. He trusted her to some extent. It might not have been as much as she wanted, sometimes he would still shut himself off and she still couldn’t get him to be completely open with her, but it was at least some sort of bond.

Lisa turned to one of the doctors still in the room, “I’ll be back with him in two days. After this I think we need to stick to the schedule. He still has a long way to go; I don’t want to lose any progress we have gained today.” With that, she decided to finish packing and begin to take her leave with Samuel. There was no doubt they would be able to accomplish many things with Samuel’s gift; after all he did manage to save someone today. He had said he was happy; it was nice to know he enjoyed doing something positive. Or was he just saying that to pretend he was happy. But even after everything they have accomplished he had they though he was just a number. There was still so much to learn. Why did she feel like she was losing him no matter how much progress was made?

In her mind she should have succeeded by now.

She thought about this every time a session ended and the two of them went home for the night. Every other person she had worked with had been pretty easy to satisfy. Maybe her emotions were somewhat unstable because she was still getting use to such a challenge. She might have to switch up her tactics soon, too. It was just a feeling she has been getting lately, telling her that she needed to do something new, to get different results. To find new ways to get Samuel to speak with her a little more.

_________________

"M'am, no m'am! You can't follow that man!" the officer shouted; but it was too late. The mother of the newly found child hurried to Samuel and Lisa; she didn't know any name to call him, so she roughly caught his shoulders and forced his reaction. Samuel turned; not knowing quite what to do and what to say (and recognizing the features of this woman were also present in the child he just saw in a vision), he inquired, "Can I help you?"

The woman began crying profusely; a deep red began covering her eyes and face and all attempts at an elated smile gave way to even more tears. She suddenly grabbed Samuel, pulled him close, and lavished a large hug on him and would not let him go. "Thank you; thank you. You're the man; I know you are, I saw you go in there this morning. I can't thank you enough. Please wait here for my husband, he wants to thank you too." Sam's reactions were mixed; her hug felt so good to him, he felt like he finally did something to make a difference in someone's life. But his hands were awkward; he didn't know if he should hug her back, if he should say something meaningful. He had a chance to connect with someone on a one on one basis; he didn't have to be the poor neglected and abused child.

But then, he realized - he didn't deserve this. Why should anyone come up to him and hug him or even thank him; maybe he would do something bad tomorrow. Maybe he did something bad yesterday. Did he really think one good act could undo all the hurt and pains of the world? While he was tempted to reciprocate in some way and even comply with her wishes, instead he began squirming insisting she loosen her grip. The officer realized Samuel's desire and helped pull the tearful, yet happy woman off of him.

Samuel tried to articulate, "So sorry ... so sorry ... I have to ... I won't forget ... I wish I could ... I can't ... I have to go. I have to go." He turned away and started advancing to the exit.

Yet, when he and Lisa had walked out of the station, he hesitated and momentarily, Samuel stopped and turned around. He looked at the mother through the glass doors; he raised his hand gently waving in acknowledgement; she seemed to wave back, but he did not wait for any further reaction nor did he allow his eyes to meet hers. Then he put his head down and quickly shuffled to the car. It was drizzling lightly.

Lisa got in the driver's side; after positioning himself in the back seat, he rested his right elbow on the arm rest of the seat and gently held the side of his head up with his hand. He was silent; he struggled. Lisa was a decent driver, though he didn't always like her taste in music on the radio station. Occasionally, he would ask for her to turn the volume down, but today he hardly noticed it. How could he communicate to Lisa that he felt both joy and pain; happiness and sadness. His mother never cared; either he was happy or sad. If he was happy, he was supposed to keep his mouth shut, there was nothing to complain about. If he was sad, he was to wait in his room until his Mom came around to dump on him all her problems and then expect solutions. And displays of natural family affections? Unheard of; those affections were being wasted on other people who weren't even family members.

"Lisa, I feel ... I'm sorry ... I mean, my heart has ... no, no, I don't think I mean that. Did I tell you that you look ... you know ... no, no I shouldn't say that. Umm ... you know the mother back at the station, she ... oh ... just forget it! I can't formulate my thoughts." But that was a lie; he could formulate any thoughts he wanted and it was perfectly clear to him. It was the articulation he struggled with. He just tried to word it in such a way that he would not get rejected if what he said came out wrong.

Abruptly he turned to Lisa. "You drive too fast."

The first thing that was noticeable when they stepped outside was the darkening sky. It was still the evening; the sky was darker, tinged with the orange glow of the sunset. The clouds appeared as one huge grey sheet looming over the city. No signs of thunder, but there was a breeze and it had begun to drizzle once they reached the car.

Lisa sank back into the driver’s seat and immediately put on the radio. She always listened to music while she drove, after a rough day it helped her concentrate. Tuning out the rest of the world and focusing on the road ahead of her was just what she needed at a time like this. No sooner had the left the parking lot, the drizzle turned into light rain, which she found to be somewhat out of place. Today had been a good day, but apparently the weather was not agreeing with her. To prevent herself from diving into those darker thoughts she simply focused on the music. Every now and then she would hum along to some familiar tune she had known since childhood, while Samuel remained silent in the back staring out the window. He has never liked her taste in music so she briefly wondered what he was focusing on.

“I’m sorry, I just want to get home and out of this rain,” she replied when Samuel commented on her driving. The reality of it was that she was going the speed limit. Driver’s Ed and her mother had it pounded into her head not to go over five miles over the limit. That was what was legally acceptable, in most areas, so she stuck by that rule. “I will go slower form here on out.” She shifted in her seat and ever so slightly lifted her foot from the gas pedal until the car slowed down. It was still in range in the limit so people wouldn’t ride her ass, but the change was noticeable enough to where she hoped Samuel was satisfied. These drives were always a little rough. He seemed to want to communicate but in the end he would nitpick about something minute or nonexistent.

When they reached her house, a small townhouse closer to the suburbs, two floors, three bedrooms and one bathroom, she dared to glance back at Samuel through the rearview mirror. “I’ll be cooking dinner in a few, get ready.” She told Samuel as she got out of the car. She wasn’t a psychiatrist but she did her best with the resources she had, namely the internet and a few books she had looked into at one point, to get a better understanding of the field. On the side, she even thought about college. A class in psychology might help her crack this case. However, she had shot down the idea when she decided she didn’t want to rely on being book taught. She felt that the connection she was trying to build with Samuel would feel more natural if she went with her gut, as opposed to one having been created by book methods.

That was why Lisa looked to books for guidance instead of having her hand held.

As usual Lisa went right to the kitchen and brewed some tea and cook dinner for the evening. “Alright, let’s see what I can whip up…” She murmured to herself, switching on the small television sitting on the island in the center of the kitchen. Background noise was all that was, most of the time she hardly paid any attention to it. What they were having for dinner was still a mystery; she usually went with whatever she felt making like that night unless a craving called out to her. She wanted to ask Samuel what he might have wanted but as usual he must have retreated to his room. He spent most of his time in there, probably in his own world far away from everything. Sometimes he would socialize, to an extent. Holding a conversation over dinner without him shutting himself off would be a wonderful accomplishment.

_________________

"And in other news today, a little girl has been reunited with her mom and dad. After 2 grueling weeks of being abducted by a local minister, police were able to rescue her and reunite her with her family. The minister will be charged with kidnapping, abuse, and endangering the life of a minor. Police are not saying what lead tipped them off except they truly call it a miracle. And in local politics, the Mayor is calling out today to toughen legislation ..."

Samuel had come out of his room; he watched Lisa make dinner and he was holding a gift in his hand. It was a wrapped book, an empty journal. Its empty pages and pretty dull cover indicated what was going on in his heart, namely - emptiness. However, he had it gift wrapped for Lisa in celebration of a successful session. Actually, he had six other gifts in his room for Lisa, none of which he had given out of some fears of depression.

Upon hearing the news story of the young lady rescued today, he accidently dropped the gift on the floor, alerting Lisa to his presence. Normally he would retreat to his room, and stay there until Lisa called. Normally, he would think about how he wanted to talk more to her, let her in to his inner world, and he even practiced some of the things that he would talk about.

Tonight was about concessions. Yes, he wished to improve his friendship with her ... but he also need to bargain. In the revelation back at the station, he had heard he would be back in 2 days. Frankly, he didn't want to go back there until next year. Going through a hypnotism session was unpredictable. For the past 7 sessions, things seemed to have gone okay. He was definitely afraid, however, of the after-session. And while Lisa was doing exactly what she had set out to do, he thought the process was going too fast. He would try to head it off tonight, even if it meant making really small compromises.

Taking the gift, he gently placed it where Lisa normally sat at the dinner table. His heart was pounding; he then did something he never performed before for Lisa. He opened up her cabinets, took out the plates, cups, forks, and knives. He set the table for two; this time, he even used the cigarette lighter he carried around to light a dinner candle; he thought Lisa liked the candle in the past as a form of hypnotism for him. It never worked though.

"Lisa ... I wanted to let you know ... I mean, I'm sorry. Here's a gift to, you know ... sorry, you're busy, I'm probably interrupting stuff. Anyways, I mean ... if you want, I could make dinner tomorrow you know ... I mean ... did I tell you you look really nice ... no no, what I mean to say is ... oh, sorry. Never mind, I'll just sit over here until you're ready for me." With that, he sat himself down; it had been two years he had lived in this house, and this was the first time he diverted from his ordinary custom. "Sorry about today, Lisa."

“Oh! You startled me…” Dinner was about ready to be served when Samuel had entered the kitchen carrying his gift for Lisa. At first he had been ignored, she was too focused on what she was doing.

As always she was working hard to prepare a good meal for the two of them. There was no company, unlike last time when her neighbor showed up. Pot roast was on the menu tonight, a last minute meal that was thrown together at the last minute as those meals were her specialty. She liked to add her own touches to things and never followed a recipe exactly as she should to give it a little character. Whenever she cooked she really got into it, as well, so one could only imagine the little jump scare she got when she heard someone else was in the kitchen. However what had surprised her even more was the fact that Samuel had actually started to neatly place dishes out on the table. He even set up a candle, which finding it was a bit humorous in a strange way.

Lisa turned to him when he spoke, however, a bit surprised that he had been the one to start a conversation. “You’re not interrupting anything, I’m glad to see that you came down early. Thank you for the gift, that was really sweet of you.” She said softly and flashed a smile as she went to check to see if the pot roast was done; it probably could have used another ten minutes but she pulled it out anyway. Pot roast was one of her favorite things to prepare, naturally it had to be done the way she liked it or it just wouldn’t do. Gravy had been prepared to go with the baked potatoes, her preference was just a baked potatoes covered in butter and gravy, homemade. Everything Lisa had prepared tonight was home made. Making her meals by hand was how she preferred to cook. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

“If you want to make dinner tomorrow, that would be lovely. I have a lot I need to do anyway.” She really was not in the mood to discuss the events of today, but he seemed to feel that he should be sorry. A response would usually be given whenever he felt he was sorry or was getting in the way. Not today, today she decided to not respond to that and focus on dinner. Maybe some sort of praise should be given, she thought, but she didn’t want to be patronizing lest he retreat back into his shell and she would have to work to get him to come out again.

While she Samuel’s plate was carefully prepared and handed it to him before Lisa helped herself just as she had done for the past two years he has been living with her. She really wasn’t sure what she should say this time around. Then again dinner was always pretty quiet between the two of them. Her gaze fell to the gift Samuel had brought for her, and she decided to open it. To her surprise it was a gorgeous diary, which she would probably end up recording information about the sessions, other day to day projects, and personal thoughts within, she was definitely going to use this quite a bit. It seemed to suit her as well which made her smile. She has been meaning to get herself a diary for awhile now so this was nice of him to bring her this gift. This would be the first time he has given her something.

“I like it,” Lisa commented, picking the empty up to take a further look. “I’ll definitely use it.” Yes, the conversation would be taken to the diary and not the session. It might have been a little plain but again she thought it suited her for some reason. When she looked at it she was reminded of Samuel in so many ways. Maybe she would be able to use the diary as some sort of encouragement during sessions, perhaps help strengthen the bond between them as well.

_________________

Inside, Samuel was glad she liked the diary; he had spent most of the day at Barnes and Nobles selecting it. That, and reading on some of his psychic gifts. Maybe Lisa would have been angry at him knowing he was actually looking to read on how to reverse or stop these special gifts. He could sense that the day was too complicated at night; she didn't want to really get into the events that transpired. They would have time for all of that later; tonight was about something different.

Samuel didn't think he was too picky; he loved Lisa's cooking. She prepared the plate very carefully for him, so he discerned that being introverted and somewhat careful made her cautious at times. That, and perhaps he did give a funny look when she served the Quinoa a few weeks back. It turned out to be very tasty, but he had already upset her that night, so it was too late. Empathy came at a price. Normally, that gift was suppressed, but lately he could tell if something really upset her. He would go to bed with major butterflies, and his dreams were always nightmares on those days. He hadn't told her this; I mean, why would anyone think it was normal to feel someone else's hurt, and only that person's hurt, at night as if it was some sort of gauge? The worse part - sometimes it was his defense mechanisms that made it difficult for her. He couldn't seem to get out of his defense mechanisms.

"Plain; the lines in the book aren't fancy. But I ... you know, I mean I thought the cover should be ... quality leather." Again, he stuttered when he talked to her; to others too, but he became especially tongue tied talking with her. But he would make an extra effort tonight.

He gently took the diary in his hand and flipped it upside down, opened it and commented, "And which way is right side up? It's a mystery, you can begin wherever you like, the book doesn't lend itself to tell you a starting point. And I counted. 300 pages, 150 double sided." Most people didn't examine stuff to this detail, but for some reason - Samuel enjoyed all the details of something so insignificant. "Oh ... and I checked, in other words ... I made sure any pen could ... you know, so there wouldn't be bleed through ..." Samuel stopped in mid sentence, composed himself, looked down on his plate, and took one bite of the pot roast. He would give a compliment, but was fearful of the response. His Mom was a wonderful cook, but she would wind up saying **** like "And you don't deserve any of it; you fell asleep last night when I was trying to talk to you." As if a 12 year old child really wanted to hear about how she and her lover were going through a rough patch, a lover she wasn't even supposed to have!

Well, if he was going to voice his concerns, now was the time to do so. "Remember that exercise you wanted me to do? I'll do it, but you have to cancel the next session. I don't want an avalanche of feelings invading me again, not till next year." There, he had voiced it. Looking down at his plate again, his fork started playing with his food awaiting a response. He knew her request was meant to open him up and she had asked off and on for the past two years. He refused, but the sessions were getting more intense. The dreams more vivid; he needed a break ... frankly, he needed a way to stop it all so he could go back to his boring life of taking college courses and watching adult films whenever he was trying to mask some sort of hurt and pain. Problem was, Lisa wasn't about to allow him back into that life any time soon; and Samuel knew when he turned to his addictions, he was running away from helping other people.

"You know Lisa, when I was little. You know, there was this girl next door ... her and I and stuff ..." Samuel didn't know what he was trying to gain by saying this. "We got these two balloons; her floated away accidentally. So, I gave her mine. She smiled so much, she was so happy, and you know. She was so happy, it made me happy. Not like my mom cared. I guess what I'm trying to say is ..." He didn't know what he was trying to say. "I guess I'm saying ... I don't know."

He gently gave the diary back again, knowing he might have just sealed his doom with his blabbering. "I guess I'm saying, no - I'm not going back to the police station this year. Yeah. However in the world that makes sense." He scrunched his forehead, confused even at himself. Then he added, "And no, I don't want to hear about how so and so family is really hurt and needs my help. What about when I was little, what about my family?" He realized he was getting himself worked up. So he stopped, nodded his head back and forth, looked at Lisa for a moment, and then rested his arms on the table and counted backwards from 30 to 1. At least she taught him how to do that. "Yeah ... sorry."

Lisa had tried her best to contain it, but in the end the heavy sigh that left her. Of course she had expected that Samuel would not want to go back to the station, she knew he didn’t like to go through those sessions that she often so callously watching him go through. At one point maybe she would have broken down and told him to just go back to his old life. Maybe if she didn’t have the patience she did with people, she would have broken by now and she could be done with this. But she had made a commitment and she was willing to stick to it as long as it took. She was not immune to frustration, she got frustrated often, but patience has always been something that was in her nature. It took quite a lot for her to lose her patience with someone.

Leaning back in her seat she looked Samuel over for a moment, “Well, at least you’re doing your exercises.” She said softly, clearing her throat as she stood from her chair and began gathering the dirty plates and silverware once they had finished eating. “I’m not surprised you don’t want to go back. You’ve been doing well, you do deserve a bit of a break.” Some days she was pushed to her limit. She was not going to deny the stress, yet somehow she seemed to manage. The diary had been placed at the corner of the table so it wouldn’t be forgotten once dinner was over and the two of them went to bed. She picked it up and tucked it under her arm, shifting her weight a bit. “But, whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me.” It was an attempt at a bit of humor.

“You did make that family happy,” he didn’t want to hear it but she said it anyway. Maybe she should not have said it but she didn’t want him to start avoiding the good he does. She knew that he wanted to go back to his old life and not have to use his powers to help people. He has expressed this multiple times, in his own way, and would retreat into his shell whenever she would push him for some answers as to why. It was wrong to push him but she did it anyway because she wanted him to be a little more expressive. Despite somewhat counterproductive results whenever she did, she always felt that she had made a small step. Perhaps she just wanted to think positively, maybe she was not getting anywhere at all, but tonight he had come down early and that was satisfactory enough.

Part of her wanted to be harsh with him, and had even come close to it more than once. If she was he would probably just tune her out more than he did now. It was just one more counterproductive action that she knew better than to practice. No showing annoyance, no losing patience, no yelling. Those were the rules she has taught herself to abide by and she was more than willing to stick with them until this was over.

When would this be over? How long would she be helping Samuel? Would it be enough in the end? Those have been her main questions for awhile now; they almost haunted her some days. She knew he was not beyond help, two years was just not enough time do get through everything she wanted to. Lisa could be like that sometimes, she would rush into things and hope for the best, but here she had to take her time. Maybe she should give him a break now. Then again she didn’t really want him to get use to this and think that he could just put off things like this. She was a little torn as to what she should do here, which was a bit of a problem. It use to be so much easier to deal with him, but now that his patterns were changing she would have to adjust as well.

Looking at the diary under her arm, she murmured, “Let’s head to bed for the night.” Now she was the one who wanted to avoid things.

_________________

She had removed all the DVDs from their case holdings; maybe she threw them away. Samuel could not even go to his private DVD stash under his bed to feel better tonight, to draw the life of fantasy around him so he could escape into his own private reality.

About two years ago, the FBI picked him up at the local college. At the time, as many eccentrics do, they found him living in the custodial basement due to his lack of suitable housing. He would live down there at night when the janitors were away. At first he thought he was in trouble; that's when he met Lisa. (Then he realized he really was in trouble.)

Apparently, she didn't work directly for the FBI but was an outside consultant. A program had begun called GTY, Gifted and Talented Youth. Yet, GTY operated under the premise that some had special abilities that were useful to the FBI. He was not sure who yet, but he suspected his math teacher, Dr. Dennyson, may have "turned him in". Mr. Dennyson was a left over hippie from yesteryear (it was quite funny watching a grown man with a bad hip still come into class dressed like a 70s flower child). He spoke so much about peace and love, and how numbers can all be extrapolated to a higher cause; that cause was love of all mankind. How he combined math and a seeming drug induced utopia was beyond him. Nonetheless, the teacher often spoke about "finding your inner abilities" and apparently this hipster "meditated" on each individual student's gifts and abilities and often asked the "higher powers" to develop such talents to the better good of humankind.

Now, he was living here with his guardian. The first session with her was the roughest; but it was there he had broken the first case. The FBI heard chatter about a local terrorist plot; not like there was much going on inside of the terrorist's heads. Just hatred, anger, and a desire to get to the after life and hook up with all those virgins. Subsequent sessions sometimes occurred at the police stations to deal with domestic crimes.

But the thing that bothered Samuel the most about Lisa was, somehow, he could relate to her. She caught him staring into her eyes one day. No, he couldn't necessarily see someone's soul. But, he could tell Lisa lived her life as if she was trying desperately to ignite a spark she had previously lost. And lost something, or someone she had. He knew this because one day - she had caused all the walls in his inner self to drop when she promised she would not hurt him if he would but release his feelings to her, whatever they were. It had happened only once and in a weak moment, and he was ready to burst out with answers to all her questions. But then he felt it; the loneliness. He knew the feeling quite well.

Except, it wasn't his loneliness; it was hers. From her emanated feelings as if there was some terrible emptiness caused suddenly by a perfect treasure being ripped out of her heart. Since he had never really gotten to close to anyone before, the feeling was foreign to him. He knew he could give in at that very moment and make a connection with her; but he was afraid of what that would mean for the future. It was easier to yank up those walls again and worry about Lisa ... from afar.

The phone rang; looking at his clock, it was 12:52 a.m. Damn. Luckily, Samuel had discovered which frequency on his ham radio was picking up any transmissions emitted from the mobile phone house unit. He fired up his rig, turned the dial past annoying conversations of nothing (why in the world would anyone want to be a ham anyway) until he reached the house phone frequency. He didn't like what he heard.

"Look; my boss is asking for a break in the case. Geez, Lisa - I wish we had the kid on full time. It would be so much easier. Look, why don't you bring him down here tomorrow. The family is hysterical, they're sure their best, most well behaved son ever would never run away from home. But he's been gone a week now, and they want some answers. Can't you talk to him or something? I don't want to have to ask the feds to get involved in this one, Lisa. Please?"

Damn! Another case came up and quickly too. Samuel turned the radio off. He wondered if she would knock on his door shortly, or would she spin the tale so he wouldn't have to go? He decided he better get some sleep and hope she would broach the conversation tomorrow; who knew what tomorrow would bring. He would pray to god that his sleep was deeper and dreamless. And if he made it to morning, he would hope it was a normal day. He liked spending time with Lisa and her psychological exercises, even if it was her doing all the talking. Then he found himself wondering if she would wear those curvy jeans again. He smiled briefly, distracting himself with the non-essentials of life. Or were they essential, he just refused to be human sometimes?

That conversation had not gone well at all. Already in a bad mood after being woken up in the middle of the night, the argument that followed could not have possibly gone worse. Once the conversation ended, Lisa felt completely drained. Heart racing, she nearly flopped onto her bed, breathing hard, and had to softly bite her tongue to hold back from screaming into her pillow. The more she worked with these people, with Samuel, working out these cases, the more frustrated she became. To think they had the nerve to call her in the middle of the night about this. She wanted to march over there and give them a piece of her mind. While the sessions have gone well these past few times perhaps it was time that Samuel took a break. These people didn’t seem to understand that, despite her pleadings to get them to see things through her eyes.

After thinking for a good five minutes she slowly got out of bed. For another five minutes she quietly stood outside of Samuel’s bedroom contemplating whether or not she should knock on the door. How would he take to this? Deep down she knew he would not be particularly happy about going back to the station; he had already spoken his mind a bit during dinner. She didn’t want to just throw him back in there because they requested it. Samuel was not a machine, he needed a break every now and then, this was evidently stressing him out enough, yet there was a chance he would have to go back there. She balled her hand into a fist and raised it, stopping herself before her knuckles touched the door. No, there was no use disturbing him now. It would be much easier to explain everything to Samuel in the morning.

Sighing heavily she returned to her room, she was feeling restless, positive that she would not be getting any more sleep tonight. Lisa hasn’t been getting much sleep for awhile now. Between still trying to get over her friend’s death and dealing with Samuel was taxing. She had a lot on her plate and more **** continued to get piled up on top of each other. Sometimes she wondered if it was all worth it or if she should just pack her thing and leave for awhile. They have already insinuated several times that they might try to find someone else for this job. It devastated her to think that they would even go to that extreme, had she not seen their greed first hand she might have believed she was not the ‘right one’ for the job. She was staring at the ceiling, hands still clenched, deep in thought, not feeling tired in the slightest anymore.

For about an hour she stayed like that. Eventually she relaxed her body and closed her eyes but sleep still managed to elude her. When morning came, Lisa had only gotten about an hour more after that conversation. She looked at the clock and noted it was around five thirty, then slowly rolled over and got out of bed. Grabbing some clean clothes, having done laundry two days ago, she headed into the bathroom for her morning shower. Having water splashed on her helped to wake her up a little but did nothing to help the fact she still looked rather sleep deprived. If she went back to sleep she knew that she would probably sleep in or Samuel might run off and try to fall back into his old habits. Trust was a little touchy; she knew he trusted her enough to be honest with her, but he was not open.

Not as much as she would have liked anyway.

Lisa began breakfast as soon as she stepped into the kitchen. Being able to make breakfast in peace, without any sort of argument, even if an argument would probably be unavoidable once she brought up the phone conversation from last night, she found was the biggest plus to waking up before Samuel. Today it was just French toast with turkey sausage. It was tough to get anything out of him so she never really knew what he would want for breakfast. Usually she went with her gut but he never seemed satisfied whenever she did that. She wasn’t a mind reader, she didn’t know what he did and didn’t like. Even if he seemed satisfied with her cooking most of the time she wished he would speak up more. Until that time came she was careful whenever she prepared her meals. Should Samuel decide he was not satisfied with something, she wanted to be prepared.

_________________

But what did she gain from it, Samuel wondered? Sure, she was getting paid to extract his gifts and use it for whatever police authority needed to solve cases. But certainly, housing him and feeding him meals were not necessarily part of the gig, was it? And even so, what was she getting out of it personally? I mean, who really wanted to babysit a young man who had mommy-daddy issues and hardly ever spoke to anyone? How was it helping her?

Samuel had gotten his normal four hours of sleep; he didn't need much to stay alert and one cat nap during the day ensured he didn't break down into exhaustion. Lisa didn't know, but he listened for her own morning routine so he wouldn't be in her way. Sometimes he would walk to the local library and get all his hygenic business done there; he was afraid he might mess up Lisa's bathroom. However, this morning was a full morning meaning he needed to take a shower. Occasionally, he left his clothes in the bathroom due to his own forgetfulness. He would be sure not to make this mistake this morning, he did not want to needlessly upset his benefactor.

Lisa had told him last night he "needed a break". He thought to himself - so does she. Maybe she needed a break from him; maybe she needed a break from life.

But the truth was, Lisa was on the verge and did not even know it. That is, she was on the verge of Samuel opening up to her. His own personal fears were being squashed by her gentle nature. Even in the arguments that they had, they were petty because he would just argue to argue. When he had trouble saying what he truly felt, he would nitpick. He didn't know how else to communicate; and every time, he could see the frustrations of an innocent soul trying to help him.

Should he tell her that when he was little, the gifts used to "flow" in him and from him like it was water in a river, but as he grew up - he had learned to supress them? It was not as if he could feel just anyone's feelings, but the atmosphere of home life was filled with so many emotions - it only served to confused him when he was a minor. Supressing them was the only thing he could do.

Entering the kitchen, he held in his hand a little teddy bear. Actually, it was his Teddy Bear from when he was a child; it was dark brown with a light brown patch on his paws and stomach and it was worn from all the hugging he had done with it when he was little. He repeated the same thing he did the night before, placing the little bear on her seat, then setting the plates, cups, and silverware. Unfortunately, or fortunately, he was willing to put teeth to his previous requests from the night before. He was fully aware of the call from the police for him to go in today, and he was willing to strike a bargain to avoid it.

"I think you need the Teddy Bear more than me … you know" he started off slowly. This time he approched her at the counter, motioning for whatever food he needed to put on the table to help her. "It smells good, like always" he commented. Samuel decided now was better than ever to give her his offer, similar to last night but with 'umph' this time.

"Well, I mean … I'll say this, okay Lisa … if you … how do I say it … maybe we can like come up with a compromise … no, that's not what I mean … yeah, it is I think … if I promise to go to a session … you know …"

But there was interference; he could not form the words correctly, nor could he say exactly what he wanted to say. Turning to Lisa, he began to cry. Tears started pouring down from his eyes, but he tried to keep his composure. Samuel knew there was something else for him to say, something he had never asked anyone before, and something that he needed to know maybe to get some peace.

His lips quivered slightly; his eyes continued flowing, he sat down, but continued looking at Lisa (though not directly in her eyes). He was afraid he was ruining everything, but he had to ask lest he was tortured the rest of his existence.

So, even in this emotional state - he asked it. "Why are you so lonely Lisa? Why are you hurting so much, and for so long? And why can't I ever seem to help you and be myself?" With that, he folded his head in his hands to regain composure, then he straightened up. He had not said what he had set out to utter, but he had asked a harder question and he was not sure if he could handle an answer. "I mean, you don't have to say so if you don't want to" he muttered. His hands nervously started playing with the silverware.

It was nice to see that Samuel had come down early again to help set the table two times in a row. He had even brought another gift and placed it on the table, just like he had done with the diary. It made Lisa wonder if this was going to be an occurrence every time she cooked a meal, minus the gift of course, she knew the gifts might stop eventually, or was this just for the time being? She didn’t want to say anything about it fearing he would think she was being ungrateful or get frustrated with her. It was not her intention to have him retreat back into his shell today. Maybe she should stand up more instead of allowing that particular behavior to continue. Things needed to be taken slowly, she knew that, but Samuel needed to be more open. Today was the day she was going to push him to take a step further.

Was it right for her to live in fear of Samuel, worried about him shutting down? She certainly did not want to and that was why she was going to push him a little today. Perhaps ‘fear’ was not the right word for it, she certainly did not fear him, even if his gift was a bit but she was tired. Tired of trying to figure out if Samuel would have an episode, argue, or retreat into his shell, she needed to stand up for herself. In order to do that she had no choice. She was going to have to talk to him about the conversation the other night. He wasn’t going to like it, but it had to be done, maybe with a little persuasion she could get Samuel to go in there and tell them to shove the session up their ass until he felt he was ready again.

Lisa turned to face Samuel when he spoke but he had beaten her to the punch. She just stood there and listened to him, shocked that he had brought up making a compromise about going to sessions. That was something that she felt compelled to protest. While she was not normally a violent person in any way, shape, or form, this was beginning to get ridiculous. This was not the first time they had called her about a case in the middle of the night. Something had to be done to get them to see things her way, and the only one who could do that was Samuel. She wanted to bring it up to him right then and there to get it out of the way but was stopped. His crying had caught her so off guard that it had left her speechless for what seemed like an eternity to her.

“Why… am I lonely? You want to help me?” She blinked a few times, trying to take it in. The question had taken her more off guard than his crying. “I really don’t know how I should answer that. I did lose a friend but that was years ago…” She paused, shook her head, and then turned back to her food, realizing it was on the verge of being overcooked. Today was blueberry pancakes, as she likes to keep things simple and pancakes were easy to make. While she worked she took in deep breaths while trying to come up with a good way to bring up the phone conversation. The last time he had cried in front of her was when they had their first argument. It had been a week after he came to stay with her, they were arguing about something silly if she recalled correctly, probably a television channel.

But he had not spoken to her for a few days after that. It was not easy to deal with him whenever he became this emotional.

When she set the food on the table, she was doing well with keeping her composure. It was only when they had actually sat down her composure was lost and she felt a little shaky. She wasn’t sure why she suddenly had this burst of emotion, it just needed to come out before it built up too much. The look on her face showed she was not angry. She liked it when he was open with her, even if it was difficult for her to handle. Right now she was as nervous as he was when it came to answering questions or getting out what she wanted to say. What should she say? What would be a good way for her to casually bring the conversation on the phone up? Nothing seemed to be coming to her right now.

“The people from the station called again last night.” She blurted out suddenly, her hands shaky as she cut her pancake into smaller pieces. “I tried to tell them off but they were adamant about having you go back to the station.” Taking in a deep breath, she winced a little and met his eye, bracing herself for the worst possible scenario. Her fingers gripped her silverware a little tighter. Would he be angry? She bit her bottom lip, contemplating whether or not she should jump into her thoughts about him going in there and telling them no. It might be too soon for him to actually stand up and do such a thing. Maybe it would be better if she didn’t say anything, but it was out now. She might as well try to explain everything that was on her mind instead of allowing it to build up and turn ugly.

“I don’t want you to go in… but…” She looked away, deciding to give up figuring she was probably getting nowhere. The amount of bravery she had showed at the beginning was just a sudden burst of energy. As much as she wanted to, she was unable to follow through and keep going. Perhaps she really was just worn out from everything in the end. “Nevermind.” She said, thinking of a way to change the subject, meeting his gaze again and trying her best to offer a smile. “I don’t mind your company. You’re quiet but I can appreciate that sometimes.”

Maybe it should not have been brought up at all. Lisa was sure she wouldn’t be able to get away with just not showing up, but right now some part of her was willing to take that risk. They both needed a break.

_________________

He liked it when Lisa smiled; even if it was slightly forced. She also let him get away with tons of stuff, sweeping things under the rug where they were left to die. Hopefully. One time he left his magazine lying around in the living room; sort of embarrassing. It was promptly thrown away [by whom, who knows], but never discussed. Sam discovered that night he didn't like alcohol. It was not his choice of a coping tool for life, he only tried it that night to experience it. One time, Samuel had come home drunk. He had remembered there was a certain type of tea to brew that would sober him up; have you ever watched a drunk trying to make tea? It didn't help him, and he wound up leaving a mess. It was cleaned up the next day, but no discussions whatsoever from Lisa.

At least not immediately. The arguments must have been an outpouring of these piled up transgressions of Samuel. He was still not sure what happened to the shower head he broke; he felt bad telling Lisa, so he didn't. And she didn't bring it up. Shortly, there was a new shower head. (He couldn't help it that the old one wouldn't spray the water out where it was supposed to; but he decided to live with the new one, even if it wasn't perfect.)

He had only been living with Lisa for a couple of years, but he had probably been in the way of her life more than any other person. For most people, though, "living together" brought very negative connotations. Not so here; though he was probably in the way more than most, the two story house provided enough places for him to run and hide when need be.

"Well, okay … all right, Lisa … I mean … let's …" It was a risk; it was a bigger compromise then he was willing to give, but it might make everybody happy. He wasn't sure exactly what it meant, whether things would go right or not, or what it meant.

He cut himself a piece of sausage, gave a grin to Lisa as if approving, and continued chewing. Swallowing his second bite, Samuel cleared his throat:

"Maybe we can … I mean … let's tell the police to bring a picture of the person here. I'll do the session with you and only with you here in the house. You know, when we're ready, it doesn't have to be today. Or, maybe we … you know … could go somewhere else …" He left the place of the location open ended but continued, "I'd like to wear my good shirt and vest for this session if it's okay with you. If we decide to go to another location. No restraints, please. god, I can't stand it, you'd think I needed a straight jacket!"

"You know … and in exchange … you know … I know you need this job as much as me, Lisa. So … you know what I mean … sorry, I meant to say … I'll … " Now that it was time to say it, he had a hard time bringing himself to open up this sacred ground. His eyes were just drying from his previous cry session, he did not want to lose it. "I'll answer three questions of yours, as completely as I can. Any three questions." He was originally going to say he would do anything, but realized he had to limit himself lest she reject him.

Samuel knew what he had recommended: a session somewhere other than the police station with no restraints and in exchange, he'd give up a part of himself to her … to test the waters … to see where that would take him.

He left the toast on his plate; taking the maple syrup in his hand, he dropped a very small amount on it. "After all, Lisa. I really only need a picture of the person I need to find out about. And you, for the hypnotism part."

Was it silly to say it had been expected that some sort of debate broke out? In away maybe it was, but Lisa really wasn’t sure. Part of her was relieved that Samuel had come up with this alternative yet she wanted to protest. She thought about it a little while she pushed her food around on her plate. Her brow was furrowed a bit, her lips pursed; signs that she was could be thinking about it a little too hard. It was a good idea but she still wished he would take a break.

“Alright,” She began softly, meeting his gaze after taking a bite of her own food. Her tone was kept neutral to hide some of her mixed emotions. Samuel was sensitive; he’d be able to tell she was conflicted about everything, so she wanted to seem as calm as she possibly could while they were discussing this. Sometimes she wondered if her ability to connect with him was part of the reason that she was always so worried. She tried her best not to think about such things but couldn’t help it. It probably came from all of those arguments she had avoided. Sometimes she was furious with him, but the point of this was to help him, not get angry with him, so she always held back. That, in a way, was her being somewhat reserved with him. It was wrong and she knew she needed to be a bit more direct with him.

It wasn’t easy. Whenever she was upset, she found herself unable to confront him. Maybe that was why she was trying to think of ways to go about this that would suit either party.

Lisa leaned back in her chair, “No restraints for the next hypnotism then.” She looked away for a moment. “I really don’t like seeing you having to be restrained all the time. You’re right, you’re not some animal so you shouldn’t need to be tied down like one.” The request to not be restrained was probably the most understandable thing out of everything Samuel has been open about with her at the moment. On one particular day the session had not gone well, prior to the session had been a little rough, too. He had a ‘connection’ as she called it at the time, which caused him to become extremely aggressive. Samuel had struggled and the restraints had dug into his wrists. It was so bad that he had to receive medical attention. She still remembers that awful trip to the doctor’s office, it served as a constant reminder of how difficult this job could be.

When she was done eating she placed her plate in the sink. The dishes from the other night were still there but she would deal with them later. “Three questions?” Now that was something she had not expected at all. She stared out the window above the sink while she thought. There was a tree in the yard, which the two of them would sometimes sit under. She and her friend had sat under that very same tree many times as well, but she shook those thoughts away for now. Was there something in particular that he wanted her to ask? The day he poured his heart out to her was the day she learned all she wanted from him. Was there something he was hinting towards, that he wanted her to discover? Ah, but that was probably silly, maybe she was starting to put a little too much thought into this.

“Let’s start with the obvious.” Habitually, the tone of voice she used was the one she often took on whenever they would begin a session. “Do you want to go into the station or not? She looked at him intently, expecting the obvious answer. Maybe it was cruel, because she wanted him to break, storm into the station, and tell these people to leave him alone. Maybe it was cruel because she was hoping he would do that in order to possibly be able to take a break herself. Not that she was actually using him to get something done. They really didn’t listen to her, where as they all would gather around Samuel to see if he was having one of his visions during a session. In their greedy eyes, it was almost like he was made of gold. Whenever even the slightest occurrence happened they would act like they cared but in reality they didn’t.

They just wanted to use his gift for their selves. There were times she would use that to her advantage but she was not able to do it very often. She felt just as dirty as they were whenever she did that. Even if she needed a break, it wasn’t right to always go about it that way.

_________________

The question was awaiting Samuel's response.

"I don't like going because Lydell ... well .... she has a crush on you; it makes me feel uncomfortable ... jealous really." But why should he be jealous? He spent every day with Lisa; not really, sometimes their lives intersected in the house and sometimes it didn't.

"You ..." He was in the zone; how had she done it? He was no longer stammering and stuttering; what, was this Pavlov's dog theory? The moment she sounded as if they were starting a session, he would go into the trance. If he would allow it, that is.

He decided he needed to ride this wave, to see where it would take him ... where it would take them. "Let's sit under the tree ... it's nice." As he persuaded her to walk out the door, he flipped open his cell phone. Why - he had new courage to do these things; he perceived she had lightly hypnotized him in some sort of new state. Like, his troubles all went away. "Officer Lydell? Officer Lydell? Oh ... listen, this is Samuel. Email me the picture of the person you need me to find; or the location of the place you think something happened. Send me a brief explanation of what I'm looking for, and I'll get back to you in a couple of days. Email: [email protected]. Uh, don't call back. Just follow my instructions." With that, he hung up the phone, placed it back in his pocket, and he reached the tree with Lisa.

"No, I can't sit there. I feel something there ... like ... I can't explain, let me sit next to you." Samuel said worriedly; he wasn't about to tell her he thought he felt her friend at the tree. He didn't want to bring her friend up, not now.

"Okay; I told you I would tell you the truth. And somehow, you put me in this relaxed state where I could do almost anything. So I'll tell you." Samuel breathed in a deep breath.

"Lydell still has a crush on you; but that's not the reason why I don't want to go back to the station. I don't want to go back to the station because ... it reminds me of my Mom. She's in jail now. I haven't visited her in over a year." He looked at Lisa's lips; he saw that she was processing everything he was saying. "Maybe, you need this?" Samuel produced a pen and her new gift diary; he thought she might want to write it down.

His smile betrayed he was having a little bit of fun. "My mom and I, we ... we don't get along. I was always her fall back guy, in case the other guys rejected her. But I couldn't handle all her problems; they were way too much for me. I could feel her emptiness, but then she would do something to me that would make me hate her. Hit me, yell at me or something. I guess her life got the better of her."

He looked up into the tree; the leaves were just beginning to turn colors, it would be an early fall this year. Right above him, he could see it ... one lonely leaf. It was all by itself, but it was still green. It was lush, crisp, very much so a summer color. He reached up to grab it; then realized, he shouldn't. If he plucked that one leaf ... "No, I might have it for a moment. But then, it will die" Samuel said, realizing he voiced outloud a part of what he was thinking.

The tree in the yard was probably the most relaxing place Lisa knew aside from the old bridge before it became off-limits. She loved it out here, even if her yard was not particularly large, she always managed to find some kind of peace. She would not have objected coming out here either way. Whenever Samuel was about to open up more or they wanted to spend time with each other, it was done under the tree most of the time. Just like every conversation some days were sad and others were wonderful. On bad days, this place was her escape, she would tune everything out and just sit under the tree, she felt better once she did that, and on good days it was a place that saw some laughter. Laughter was rare now, so if anything there were more smiles and some stress that they smiles would often hide.

This was probably the first time Samuel has ever spoken about his mother to her. Once in awhile she would get a small bit of information from him but it had always been very vague. She knew he had a horrible life growing up, that much was pretty obvious on its own, but had been ignorant to how bad; she never really wanted to pry into any of his business. Looking back at her own life she almost felt like a spoiled brat whenever she compared so she would keep to herself a little. Her friend had been the only person she would open up to, when she was gone there was nobody until Samuel came along. She was still worried about being completely open with him. There were times she wanted to break down and tell him everything, but no matter hard she tried it never ended well.

“So, you’re saying you resent your mother? Do you wish that she would have loved you like any normal mother would?” The question kind of slipped out. She plucked a weed out of the ground, focusing on it for a little. Any ‘normal’ child would want their parents to love them unconditionally, not ignore them or beat them, would they not? Maybe she shouldn’t have asked such a question, knowing the answer was so obvious. Even as an adult, Lisa still wanted to spend time with her parents from time to time. She could not imagine growing up with someone who was barely a mother or motherly figure in general. Aside from the few arguments she would walk in on, typical family stuff and whatnot, there have not been too many issues with her parents. She was trying to place herself in Samuel’s shoes, which was something she would never master.

Lisa lay down on her back and looked up at the morning sky. She closed her eyes, almost as if she was meditating. Placing herself in someone else’s shoes helped her connect with them a little more. For some reason she just could not do that with Samuel.

She sighed quietly and opened her eyes again, holding out the pen. “Maybe that wasn’t the right way to go about that question…” her words trailed off a little. She shook her head and sat up, stretching a little, not once taking her eyes off him. “You know, since I’ve met you I’ve been fascinated by you. I don’t… I mean it’s not like how everyone else seems to be fascinated. It’s not all about that gift of yours to me…” That was the first time she mentioned that to him. She looked away again, once more focusing on the pen. She was more thankful for that diary than she would admit. Maybe, whenever they came to her, she really should begin to write her thoughts down more often. That way the next time she and Samuel came out here with her she would have things she wanted to say all lined up.

_________________

Ahh, screw it. He plucked the lonely leaf from the tree and held on to it; he could possibly use it as a book mark or dry it or even laminate it! Yes, it would die … but wasn't that what life and love was about? Risking everything to be accepted and loved?

The barriers of his heart were slowly coming down around him; her gentle voice and generally accepting nature soothed him. "I wish life were like this all the time." He wasn't sure what he was saying. "I mean, just talking. And relaxing. Resent my mother? Well, yes. One time, she didn't have a baby sitter for me. So she brought her boyfriend home. I had to stay in my room. But the way she talked to her boyfriend … that wasn't daddy! The things she said; I didn't understand adult things. But I knew you didn't just say that stuff to anybody. There was other stuff too … if her boyfriend let something of his behind anywhere in the house, I hated it. I could pick up and sense his thoughts. Sometimes, damn my gift!

"Sometimes I just wanted Mommy to hold me; help me with my homework. Watch a stupid cartoon with me. Tell me things would be okay even though Daddy didn't come home; even if he did, he was drunk anyway. "

But Lisa's words to him also lingered, about the fascination she held for him. "Really? Well … I have been fascinated with you. You’re the only one I will do a hypnotism session with; and you are the only one I would live with if I had to choose someone else. You are cute when you get mad; and you get mad enough at me." Samuel chuckled a little to himself, hoping to see her smile.

"But I'm confused; not sure how I fit in here with you. Please don't be mad at me; I'm not sure how we're supposed to be. Friends? Siblings? Lovers? Acquaintences? Are you my replacement mother? Boundaries. I don't understand them; so I hide. You have to understand, my Mom and my Dad did … stuff with each other or with others in front of me if they wanted. They didn't care; but it was mostly when they were drunk. When they weren't drunk, then they just hit me.

"So if I seem awkward, its cause I'm not really sure …" he paused. He looked at Lisa and gave her a friendly punch/jab. "It's cuz I'm not sure if its okay for me to even be here. Ummm …" He smiled again. "I think that makes three questions. But, I still want to stay and talk."

“Me, too” The words had slipped out of Lisa’s mouth in a somewhat distant manner. To be honest a relaxing life was just what was needed right now. If the only thing that existed in this world was the patch of grass around this tree and the gentle breeze of the wind everything really would be so much better. Sometimes she wished this area would remove itself from the Earth and float high in the air. Wouldn’t that be the solution to everything?

What Samuel had said about her being a sort of motherly figure for him was not too far off. He was right to think that she would smile at his words. For a moment, when he nudged her, she did, and she even chuckled. Though she would never admit it, at least not now, she would take him into her fantasy land with her, just to ease his pain, to get rid of all the stress they were going through because of these sessions. Listening to him open up brought a mixture of feelings. She was glad he was sharing his thoughts with her, again, but she was also very sad that he had gone through this. If she could she would take away his pain, fill the void that seemed to be in his life. After all he said she was the only one who he was comfortable doing the hypnotisms with.

It really made her feel good knowing that she was at least somewhat helpful. After the death of her best friend she had refused to reach out to anyone. “Well, we can stay and talk as long as you want to. I don’t mind. I don’t think you’re too awkward, just a little reserved. We could easily become friends… I mean… I don’t want you to feel you need to hide anything from me. I mean, you’ve always told me when you weren’t comfortable with something…” Lisa’s words trailed off for a moment and she looked away again. There were times where she had been very lenient with the things he had done. Sometimes things would go missing or become broken and she never said anything even though she knew it was Samuel behind it. When she did get mad, she would confront Samuel and then be alright with it about a day or so later.

It took a lot for her to lose her temper. She usually kept in under control very well, especially when it came to Samuel. He was sensitive. In a way he had helped her learn to control herself a little more whenever she was angry. Not that anything about her having a short temper before she had met him is implied.

“You know… my parents weren’t abusive… I just kind of had a somewhat ‘normal’ life growing up.” Lisa flashed another smile as best she could and sat up, stretching. Despite everything she always tried to keep a smile on her face. “I was an only child, did well in school, and made a really good friend who I do still miss dearly.” Maybe she felt the same way Samuel did in the sense that she opened up whenever she was around him, too. Not once had she gone into detail about her life with him, at least not like this. She honestly could sit out here all day and was kind of hoping Samuel would agree to stay here with her. She wanted to bond with him more, take a walk in his shoes a bit, see the world through his eyes. Maybe it really was not that possible, but she wanted to try.

Once she accomplished that, everything would go a lot smoother.

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