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PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2020 2:29 pm 

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

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The tension was absolutely suffocating and it didn’t even help that Sinead left the room. A part of Tanis wanted to come clean to Avi, wanted to tell him what had went down, but she feared that that would cause an unsafe situation for Sinead and also what that would mean for her legal representation.
It was too risky to even think about telling Avi the truth, but it was clear that he could tell that Tanis was on edge, so she felt like she had to say something.
“I am fine,” she lied, looking down at her coffee to avoid looking at Avi. The tension was making her feel sick to her stomach, knowing that she had probably made a horrible mistake, that she also knew that she would make over and over again if she had the chance.
“Guess I am just a little about the next court date coming up soon.”

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2020 4:27 pm 

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Even though Avi hardly found it to be a satisfactory answer, he decided not to press the subject. No matter how familiar they had gotten with one another, Tanis was not a friend in any true sense of the word. Swallowing down whatever follow-up question was on the tip of his tongue, he only nodded in acceptance.
"We still have some work to do on your testimony, but we're in a good place," Avi started, speaking through an exhale. He wasn't going to lie to Tanis solely to attempt to calm her uneasiness, finding a professional relationship demanded that honesty.
His eyes had left Tanis, instead opening her folder to the page detailing the first statement he took on the night of her arrest. Thoughtlessly rubbing at his eyebrow, he skimmed the first paragraph.
"I'm hopeful," he added, more to himself than anybody else there.
Sinead reappeared in the doorway not long after. Though only having stated her intent of bringing Avi a cup of coffee, she also carried a plate of assorted sweets. Entering the room in a moment where Avi wasn't looking up, Sinead's eyes instead darted to Tanis.
"I didn't know if you had eaten," she rightfully said, never having gotten an answer to a question she had asked in what felt like a different life time.
Too late for Tanis to decline the food, Sinead placed both the cup and the plate onto the table.
As a result of movement in his peripheral vision, Avi glanced up, mind far removed from coffe or sweets. Regardless, he offered her a grateful, albeit disoriented smile, before turnin his attention to the witness statement.
Sinead, truthfully, was glad he hadn't spared her much more attention. Her eyes briefly darted to Tanis, a barely-there smile to her lips, before turning.
On her way out, her hand brushed against Tanis' shoulder, giving her an encouraging squeeze.
"Alright, have fun, kids," she offered, voice bright and unsuspecting, before retrieving her hand completely and leaving the room, carefully closing the door behind her.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2020 12:44 pm 

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

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Despite everything that was going on, Sinead kept being so kind and courteous to Tanis that she almost felt like crying. She liked her so much and yet she knew that she was going to have to keep her feelings under wraps, no matter what had just happened between them.
It was a special kind of torture, something that Tanis was unsure if she was going to be able to endure, but she also knew that she was completely out of other options. It was either keep it under the wraps and be able to get help from Avi, or definitely be doomed in prison forever.
The soft squeeze on her shoulder sent a shudder through Tanis, making her feel like it was all too much and yet not enough. It made her feel so terribly guilty as well, feeling absolutely terrible about doing this to Avi, who was one of few good men that she had ever met.
“Right,” she said, trying to get back to her conversation with Avi, even if she felt like puking.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 27, 2020 6:18 am 

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________

It hadn't been difficult to offer to drive Tanis home, nor had it been outside the bonds of their established relationship. Sinead had taken the drive to and from the city center several times, and Avi probably just as many. In every sense, this was a repeated occurance. And yet, as soon as she closed the door behind her, Sinead knew this to be distinctly different.
They hadn't talked about Tanis' experience meeting with Avi after - they hadn't gotten the chance. No matter how much Sinead wanted to soothe any pressure building in Tanis' chest, it was only the late afternoon, the day still too bright for Sinead to feel safe expressing affection towards the other woman.
So, she only exhaled, turning the key in the ignition and reversing out of their drive way.
"Are you okay?" Sinead asked, eyes still over her shoulder as she backed out onto the street. There wasn't any infliction to her voice, finding it more likely for Tanis declined any form of relation with Sinead now, than it had been this morning. It made her heart ache, but knew better than to let it show.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2020 4:54 pm 

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

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The question wasn’t surprising, but Tanis still found that she had a hard time answering it. She wanted to be able to say yes, to tell Sinead that they were good and that there was nothing to worry about, but she knew that she was too transparent for that.
She felt vexed on what to do, really wanting to let Avi know what she had done, but also not wanting to accidentally out Sinead in the process, nor able to afford losing her legal representation. It was a stupid situation that she knew that she had put herself in, but she had no idea how to get back out of it.
“I don’t know,” she said, finding that answer to be more truthful that anything else she could have said. It was difficult to talk to Sinead about it as well, even if she was the only person Tanis really could talk with it about. It all just left her further confused.
“Been better.”

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2020 6:03 pm 

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Sinead tried her best to listen to Tanis' reply, but the sound of the beating of her own heart quickly grew to deafen any other sound around her, making it hard for her to even think. She did, however, hear the hesitation in Tanis' voice, making her heart ache at the thought of everything else that was on the tip of Tanis' tongue.
When Sinead shifted put the car into motion to drive down their street, she didn't look at Tanis. It wasn't particularly that Sinead believed Tanis to be one to hold anything against her; rather, the explanations Tanis deserved to hear were difficult for Sinead to say out loud, the car quickly becoming reminiscent of a confessional booth.
Needing a moment to gather herself, Sinead's lips parted far before she knew what she wanted to say to Tanis.
"Avi knows about me," she finally said, no infliction to her voice, as if there were a risk of anybody overhearing them. Her eyes remained on the road, making a right hand turn at a green light, yet still avoiding looking at the woman, otherwise in her line of sight.
"You -" Sinead started but reconsidered, reiterating her statement to be broader. Her heart was in her throat, not knowing how to say things so it didn't diminish just how special Tanis was to her. "This isn't the first time. Avi and I have talked about it in the past, but he doesn't know about you."


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2020 2:03 pm 

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

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Sinead’s explanation of the entire ordeal didn’t really help to soothe the guilt in Tanis. It wasn’t that she thought that she had been something special to Sinead, even if she had hoped that she would be. It was more the fact that Sinead hadn’t told Avi about their... affair? Relationship?
It made Tanis think that they were doing something wrong, something that they shouldn’t be doing and that Sinead already knew that Avi wouldn’t take kindly to it.
Yet, Tanis still felt a little comforted by the fact that Avi wasn’t completely in the dark about what Sinead was doing and potentially wouldn’t be as hurt by it. She felt confused by the entire thing, but all she knew was that she really liked Sinead and would like to spend more time with her.
“Alright,” she said, his voice thin with indecision. She had no idea what to say, what could one say in this situation anyway, but she also felt that Sinead expected something from her.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2020 5:09 pm 

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Tanis quiet acceptance made Sinead's stomach turn, surprised to hear Tanis' reluctance even when Sinead had offered what should have been words of comfort.
Sinead's lips parted, her mind desperately trying to process the pressure building at her chest. She felt like crying, finding it impossible not to hear the rejection in Tanis voice. She felt like screaming, too; finding that the only thing that had changed between them since this morning was Tanis having to come face to face with her own consciousness. It was in either case heartbreaking, knowing there was little to do about either.
Sinead hadn't revealed anything that made their relation morally worse, and yet it felt like it was her relationship to have lost.
"Does it change things?" Sinead asked quietly, voice tense with the effort put into maintaining control over it.
Her eyes were still on the load ahead, not looking at Tanis, trying to convince herself that Tanis wasn't blaming her for anything.
It would have been with good reason, though, Sinead knew that. No matter which explanation she offered the other woman, she was still married, and Avi, for now, didn't know about them. Then and there, however, Sinead wasn't sure there was still anything worth telling him about.
"Did it change things seeing him again?"


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 02, 2020 4:16 pm 

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

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“Yes,” Tanis replied, the first reply that had come to mind and thus probably the most honest reply she could give to that question. However, she also knew that it wasn’t entirely true, while it also wasn’t a lie, which was what made it so difficult to explain the entire situation, both to herself but mostly to Sinead.
“And no,” she added, running her fingers through her hair, affording herself a thinking break while inadvertently reminding herself of how it had felt when Sinead had done the same.
Yes, seeing Avi again and having to face what she had done in a more direct way had caused her to stumble, feeling unsure of how much she would feel comfortable hiding from his. However, she also knew that the confrontation had done nothing to change how she felt about Sinead, and maybe that was the only thing that really mattered.
“It hasn’t changed my feelings for you,” she added, trying to piece her thoughts together as she spoke. More than anything else, she wanted to be honest with Sinead and give the other woman something she could work with, even if she still was trying to figure everything out herself.
“Which are intense and probably inappropriate.”

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 02, 2020 5:30 pm 

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Tanis' initial yes had felt like such a definitive blow that Sinead could hardly have imagined way they could move past that. The blatant admission of interest that followed it, however, sent a shudder through Sinead, completely unprepared to hear anything like it. In the middle of one hesitation after another, Tanis suddenly spoke with a decisiveness Sinead had quite possibly never heard from her.
It made her lips part, finally causing Sinead to look at Tanis, however brief the glance had been.
Then, it made Sinead's skin flush, feeling like she could combust. Tanis' words spoke of a nuance to their relation they had yet to explore, and the mere thought that Tanis had inappropriate feelings for her made Sinead want to pull over at the side of the road, if only so Sinead could look her in the eye and have her repeat herself.
Sinead, however, kept the car on the lane, albeit her grip around the steering wheel had tightened in an attempt to center herself on actually driving.
Her lips remained parted, mind too preoccupied with deciphering Tanis' word to form a coherent sentence.
"Mine are, too," she replied, not knowing how else to say that she wanted her.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2020 5:46 pm 

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

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While Tanis had been the one to start talking about having inappropriate feelings for Sinead, it felt almost like too much to hear that the feelings very reciprocated. It wasn’t so much that it came as a surprise to Tanis, it should be clear about now that the two of them were into each other after all, but it was always different when you had to actually talk about these things and having to say your feelings out loud to the target of your affection.
“Yeah?” She couldn’t help herself from asking, almost as if she just wanted to hear Sinead say it again. It felt unreal that someone like SInead would even be a little bit interested in someone like Tanis, at least that was how she viewed it.
In fact, it hardly felt real any of it and that made it easier for Tanis to forget her guilt.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2020 7:26 pm 

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Maybe precisely because Tanis' reaction had been so similar to her own, Sinead's heart felt like it was brimming over with happiness. It made the interaction feel soft and genuine, even despite the boldness of the words exchanged. It was thrilling to know that Tanis, too, sat feeling endlessly lucky.
Sinead once again found a stolen moment to look at Tanis, wanting to see if Tanis looked as excited as Sinead herself felt. Her lips parted in a smile, wanting to reaffirm her point to Tanis, but came up short on what to say. The honest truth was that Sinead had probably had any and every type of thought of Tanis, finding it hard to keep her out of her mind.
Instead, Sinead found it easier to speak the reply through touch. In the same movement as Sinead directed her attention forward, her right hand left the gearstick, instead reaching over to rest it an inch above Tanis' knee. The touch, suggestive as it was free to be interpreted, was above all giddy and girlish, knowing that to be the single last blind spot of the car where such a caress could be allowed in public.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2020 2:50 pm 

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

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Tanis almost felt like her soul was about to leave her body as Sinead placed a hand on her thigh. It was blatantly obvious, even to her, that they wanted the exact same thing out of this and it was thrilling but also nerve wracking.
Trying to get over herself, she gingerly placed her hand on top of Sinead’s, giving it a gentle squeeze. She knew that that was the most they could do here, in the car but in broad daylight, and the knowledge of that made it even more thrilling to her.
A part of her wanted to say something, anything really, but she was coming up completely blank. There was absolutely nothing she could think of to say that they hadn’t already communicated to each other in different ways.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2020 6:34 pm 

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Even with the silence settling between them, everything about the interaction still felt like a rushed, stolen little moment. It was sweet, almost juvenile, as if Sinead could contain her excitement to the point that it was unthinkable that Sinead should go another moment without touching Tanis. Deep down in the pit of her stomach, however, Sinead knew that was exactly why.
When Tanis placed her hand on top of Sinead's, Sinead turned her hand to meet the caress palm up. It allowed Sinead to intertwine their fingers, return the touch with one that was heavy with affection rather than with desire.
Unwilling to let go of Tanis' hand, Sinead lifted their hands back onto the gear stick, awkwardly but successfully changing the gear as they ventured further into the smaller inner city streets.
Having finished the maneuver, Sinead allowed their hands to rest back onto Tanis' thigh, fingers still intertwined with one another.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2020 5:21 pm 

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

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Even if it probably wasn’t that big of a deal, Tanis couldn’t stop herself from giggling as Sinead managed to shift gears without letting go of Tanis’ hand. It spoke of a juvenile infatuation that made Tanis feel justified in having admitted her truer feelings towards Sinead. They could always handle whichever issues they would run into later, for now it was just about how the two of them liked each other and how they wanted to act on that.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2020 6:35 pm 

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Sinead looked over at Tanis as the sound of her laughter, and couldn't contain a giggle herself either. It made her heart overflow, feeling like they had caught each other in a moment of genuine happiness. Sinead had both acted so thoughtless and with such instinctive deliberation, and the knowledge that Tanis had even taken notice of it made Sinead's heart do somersaults.
It was silly, juvenile to a fault, and yet Sinead wanted nothing more than to hear Tanis respond to her touches - for now, her laughter was plenty enough. Turning her hand away from Tanis', Sinead once again gripped at Tanis' thigh. This time around the touch was placed with more purpose, and yet it all seemed to soften at the sound of her laughter, eyes turning forward towads the road.
"Is this okay?" she asked, voice still airy with a laugh, glancing over at Tanis' to see her reaction, a girlish grin on her lip.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2020 2:43 pm 

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

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There was something so juvenile and youthful in the way they were around each other and Tanis was absolutely drunk on it. It was something that she hadn’t experienced for a very long time, having been mostly in one night stands and other flings that didn’t imply the kind of intimacy that she seemed to have with Sinead.
“It’s very okay,” she said with a wide grin, feeling like a teenager all over again. The idea of soon having to separate from Sinead again was almost torture to her, not wanting to give her up now that it seemed that they were moving further with their relationship.
As her building came into sight, a knot formed in her stomach, feeling bad about the fact that this meant the end of hanging out with Sinead for the day. “Is it stupid that I think this drive has been too short?”

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2020 3:26 pm 

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Sinead had already stepped on the clutch to roll down Tanis' street when Tanis' uttered her objection. Caught off guard, Sinead glanced over at Tanis, then back at the road.
"Do you want me to drive around for a bit?" she offered gently, slowly reengaging the clutch and putting some acceleration into the car. The maneuver made her right hand twitch against Tanis' thigh, thoughtlessly wanting to shift gears.
Sinead didn't want to rush Tanis; they had managed to say a lot within the drive to Tanis' apartment, and still they had spent a good while of it silent. If there was anything about this that made it feel safer for Tanis to speak to her, Sinead had no intention of robbing her of that opportunity.
Finally, the slight sputter of the engine ment Sinead had to retrieve her hand from Tanis' thigh, using it instead to shift gears. Now that they were no longer touching, Sinead hesitated to reestablish the touch.
Both hands settling onto the steering wheel, Sinead once again glanced over at Tanis with an encouraging smile to her lip. "I'm in no rush."


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2020 4:29 pm 

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

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While Sinead’s suggestion was very sweet, and probably genuine too, Tanis couldn’t help but think of things that she would much rather be doing. Once again, she was mostly caught up in what she wanted, rather than what she probably should be doing, which was a dangerous game to play.
However, Sinead was right there, clearly willing to spend more time with her, even after her confession, and Tanis knew that she was a very weak woman. She would always want to spend as much time as possible together with Sinead and now she really was just going to have to shoot her shot.
“Or we could not do that,” she said in a soft voice, realising just how dismissive it sounded and quickly followed it up with,” you could come up with me instead.”

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2020 6:17 pm 

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Sinead had to put a conscious effort into not just slamming the brakes at the proposal; her grib around the wheel did, however, seem to tighten as she processed the implications of Tanis' suggestion.
She glanced over at Tanis, needing to read with which intention the words had been spoken. In all honesty, Sinead would have come up with Tanis even if she had asked her to deep clean her apartment, but it felt like valuable information to know - whether or not Tanis was solely suggesting it to get out of a conversation.
Regardless, Sinead once again stepped on the clutch, allowing the car to roll forward until it eventually came to a halt in the middle of the street, a few flights away from Tanis' building.
Then, as if not entirely convinced, Sinead put on the blinkers in lieu of actually parking.
With the car no longer in motion, Sinead's hands dropped to her lap, for once getting to turn towards Tanis, no longer only able to look at her through the corner of her eye.
She paused for a minute. When she spoke, her voice was soft but the expression spoke of greater intentions. "Is that something you'd like?"


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