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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2019 9:25 am 

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"He's my son, I'll never be able to teach him that," James groaned, moving to blindly swat at Sirius' arm.
His voice vibrated through Remus chest, and in a moment of well being, Remus closed his eyes. He tried to remember the last time he felt so at ease, inhaling and exhaling softly; when he realised it must have been the last time Sirius stayed the night, his breath hitched.
"Sorry, mate," James muttered, shifting his weight.
It took Remus a moment to realize the intent, but once he managed to place James' apology, Remus found that he was eternally grateful for it. "'S alright."
"When's the moon?" James didn't move, but Remus heard his tone change.
Remus inhaled, his breath shaky under the weight. "10 days. I'm fine, James, don't think about it."


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 13, 2019 4:50 pm 

it really is oingo or be boingo'd on this bitch of an earth.

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Sirius was eager to change the subject away from the moon, knowing how it made Remus tense and uncomfortable. Instead, he knew that it would be easy to jab at James to make him think of something else.
“Let’s just hope that Harry takes after Lily,” Sirius stated with a shrug, or at least as well as he could underneath both Remus and James.
“At least she is good at pretending to follow the rules.”

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 14, 2019 5:07 pm 

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Remus once again closed his eyes. They were dancing around several topics that made Remus tense up, and while James had managed to distract from one, Remus was happy that Sirius didn't allow them to linger on the subject of the moon. Thankful for that, Remus tipped his head to one side, in order to press the the bridge of his nose into Sirius' neck in a silent acknowledgement of the gesture.
They both knew James had a good sense of the moon cycles, but with baby Harry, Remus couldn't blame him if the dates became blurred. Besides, Remus judged only Sirius knew how early the discomfort had started letting itself known. While Remus wasn't hurting, it would only be another few days before he'd start feeling it.
"You look mighty comfortable," Lily said from somewhere to Remus right, and though the sound made him open his eyes a sliver, it did not make him turn to face her. He heard the clatter of what he could only imagine was decorations for the tree against the wooden mantel, but instead closed his eyes again.
"I'm sure there's a spot for you, Lils," James muttered against Remus' chest and while neither he faced her, he did wave a tired and aimless hand at her.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:51 pm 

it really is oingo or be boingo'd on this bitch of an earth.

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“Lily, just in time. We were talking about how we hope that Harry takes after you and won’t ruin the pretty tree,” Sirius stated with a warm smile, hoping that if he could get Lily and James to talk about Harry for a bit, they would lose their focus on Remus and his discomfort. It was usually pretty easy to distract Lily and James, especially after they had become parents. It was probably unfair to play them like that, but Sirius prioritiesed Remus.
“We are also trying to work out solutions in case he takes after James too much,” he said with a crooked grin.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 24, 2019 3:15 pm 

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________________________________________________

Getting out and into the cold had actually worked to ease some of his discomfort. Remus was running on little sleep, having felt like he was burning a million degrees the night prior. Now, lulled by the pressure of his sweater under his jeans jacket and the chatter around him, Remus could almost feel at ease.
Being Christmas Eve, the Leicester Square Christmas marked was well packed with Muggles doing their last minute Christmas shopping. Mad Eye had placed whatever available Order members sporadically across the country, where ever a large population of Muggles were expected to gather. Remus and Sirius, who supposedly should have been stationed on opposite ends of the Square, had, over the course of an uneventful evening, circled closer to one another.
By 9 o'clock, 11 hours into the make shift stake out, Remus was returning to the calm street between a two closed ships with a glass of mulled wine in each hand. Alongside one of the cups he held an unlit cigarette between his fingers.
"They dun close for another hour," he said as he extended one of the cups towards Sirius. Despite walking with a slight tension in his hip, there was colour in Remus' cheeks. "Not much wine left, so you'll have to settle for cider next time around."


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 12:42 pm 

it really is oingo or be boingo'd on this bitch of an earth.

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“I guess I am going to have to settle then,” Sirius stated as he accepted the cup Remus was handing him, finding it a useful distraction from trying to get up and help Remus get comfortable. He knew that the moon was edging nearer, too close for comfort really, and the mere idea of Remus even being out set Sirius’ teeth on edge.
“How’re you holding up?” He asked, knowing that it probably wasn’t going to be a popular question but he had found himself unable to stop the question before it had left his lips. It was cold and their shifts had been fully uneventful, something that Sirius easily could have handled on his own.
He had to basically sit on his hands to stop them from reaching out and holding Remus somehow, wanting to keep his warm and keep him safe; he settled on just wrapping his hands tightly around the cup.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 6:13 pm 

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Remus tensed at the question, immediately feeling the shift in the air between them. Out of the 11 hours Remus had been here, they had spent the last two together and Remus was almost hoping it wouldn't come up at all.
With an exhale suddenly strained by discomfort, Remus decided against once again joining Sirius on the bench.
With a joyless, huffed laugh Remus raised the cup of wine and the still unlit cigarette into eye level in a saying gesture.
"I'm self medicating." Not even Remus himself knew for sure if it was meant as a joke, but his voice sounded harsh once it was said out loud.
Instead of sitting, he turned his side to Sirius to instead balance the cup of wine onto the small relief of an electric meter mounted on the brick wall. Once having his hands free, he put the cigarette to his lips, holding it there while lighting it, turning further towards the brick wall to shield the flame from the wind.
One lit, Remus finally turned fully to face Sirius, though he still evaded his eyes. He exhaled heavily, letting all of the smoke out of his lungs before giving another crudely brief answer. "I'm fine, Sirius."


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2019 4:00 pm 

it really is oingo or be boingo'd on this bitch of an earth.

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It was clear to Sirius that he had overstepped when Remus did not join him on the bench. It was easy to interpret as meaning nothing at all but Sirius knew Remus better than that, and knew that he was trying to distance himself from Sirius a little. It hurt, but Sirius knew that he had it coming and only had himself to blame for that reaction.
“I’m sorry. I know you hate that question,” he stated, swirling his wine a little in the mug and trying not to think too much about how Remus wouldn’t meet his eye.
He took a sip from the wine, the silence lying heavy between them, ruining the earlier lightheartedness of their impromptu hangout. It made Sirius feel like he was choking and he wanted to make it stop in any way possible.
“I just worry about you a lot.”

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 03, 2019 11:28 am 

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Remus had been able to swallow his reply to Sirius' first comment along with an inhale of smoke. The fact that Sirius knew the discomfort the question brought Remus only seemed to amplify his already hurting joints. In an attempt to maintain his calm, he exhaled, eyes fixed onto the crowd in the Square.
When Sirius addition came, the build up of pain was too much for Remus to hold his tongue.
"Well, don't," he snapped, too readily. His eyes darted back to Sirius and by the mere sight Remus could tell his words were hurting Sirius. In the back of his mind, he knew Sirius had probably worried about Remus every single day of their decade long friendship, and the thought alone made Remus' stomach turn.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:20 am 

it really is oingo or be boingo'd on this bitch of an earth.

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“It’s not exactly something I can just turn off,” Sirius snapped, not meaning to make it sound so harsh, he was just tired from the long shift and sick of Remus not allowing him to care about him and wanting to take care of him. It was incredibly stupid to get wired up about, but it was infuriating to see Remus constantly struggling when all Sirius wanted to do was help him.
“I will make my worry less obvious though,” he stated, taking another sip from his wine in an attempt to stop himself from saying more things that he might end up regretting.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 12:26 pm 

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Remus felt dumbstrucked by Sirius' words. How far away Sirius' words were from the point momentarily left Remus; a surprise which was quickly replaced with a frustration, making him chew at the inside of his cheek.
"Maybe you should," he huffed, more than anything out of spite. He felt the pain and frustration seep into this voice through a clenched jaw, knowing it did nothing to ease the tension between them. "It's not like it's doing either of us any good."
Some of the tension building in his shoulders eased when Remus did them both the favour to look away. Staring aimlessly at the road ahead, Remus took another exhale of the cigarette. The smoke stung where he had bit his cheek, seemingly only serving to amplify his anger.
"You keep asking that stupid question," he added, unnecessarily. He spoke through the exhale, puffs of smoke leaving his lips at the vocals. His eyes had found their way back to Sirius, but he cocked his head away to exhale the last breath of smoke. "I'm holding up exactly how I've always been and you know exactly how that is; there's no point in pretending anything's ever going to change."


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 12:35 pm 

it really is oingo or be boingo'd on this bitch of an earth.

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Sirius, having head enough of where the conversation was going, abandoned his wine to get up and immediately moved closer to Remus. He couldn’t stand seeing him like that, lashing out because Sirius’ words hadn’t fit his exact agenda. It was infuriating and he had had enough of it already.
He had gotten up from his seat, wanting to be angry and give Remus a scolding, but he found that once he was standing close to his best friend most of the heat was going from him; and as his hands found either side of Remus’ face, forcing him to turn and look at him, it was all replaced by a soft worry and another, completely undefinable, feeling.
“Why won’t you just let me love you?” He found himself asking, the wine buzzing in his head as the words rang through the quiet among them. Sirius regretted the words as soon as they had left his lips, yet he knew that he wouldn’t take them back, because he meant them a dangerous deal too much.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 12:58 pm 

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Having sensed Sirius getting up out of the corner of his eye, Remus had quickly come to term with the fact that Sirius intended to punch him. In the back of his mind, beneath the heat of his anger, he figured he had had it coming. Remus readily turned towards Sirius.
When Sirius raised his hands at him, Remus instinctively and with wartorn reflexes reached up to grab at Sirius' right wrist, wanting at least to soften the blow from Sirius' dominant hand to his jaw. The softness of Sirius' words, however, hit Remus much harder than any punch Sirius could have landed.
Under Sirius' touch any anger and frustration melted away, leaving only an expression transparently reflecting every single ounce of pain Remus was in. His mind was racing trying to make sense of Sirius' words, his lips coming undone far before he finally spoke.
"You don't love me." Remus' voice was shaky and painfully vulnerable, resonating with years of hurt and neglect; Remus was, however, genuine. Feeling uneasy under Sirius' touch and gaze, Remus couldn't make sense of Sirius' words being truthful.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 1:14 pm 

it really is oingo or be boingo'd on this bitch of an earth.

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The rejection was far too much for Sirius to handle, especially considering the fact that he had loved Remus for so many years now that he didn’t even know how to not love him. It was just a natural part of interacting with him, so the mere suggestion was ridiculous to him.
“Shut up,” he simply stated, the softness of his voice undermining the harshness of his words. He gently ran his thumb across Remus’ cheekbone, barely able to fathom the fact that he even got to hold him like this and for so long too.
“Just shut the hell up,” he repeated finding that his hands were pulling Remus closer to him on their own account, making it painfully hard to not kiss him.
For once in his life, he decided to not fight the urge, an urge that was like an old friend to him by now, and leant in to finally kiss Remus, as he had wanted to do so many times in the past.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 1:55 pm 

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For years, some part of Remus had wanted to kiss Sirius, and all of Remus had often thought about it. However, it seemed like, the older they became, the less likely it had become that Remus would ever do anything about it; Remus had packed the urge away deep in his subcontiousness, and had just learned to live with its constant presence and to settle with whatever platonic kisses they had come to exchange. Now, when that fiction of his teenage imagination had become reality, though not by his own accord, Remus didn't know what to do.
Thought maybe he had ought to see it coming, the kiss caught Remus by surprise. Barely getting to close his eyes, both Remus heart and thoughts were racing, unable to process it everything that had lead them to this moment.
Remus' skin felt like it was burning under Sirius' touch and he could hardly breathe, his heart feeling like it was effectively knocking the air out of his lungs with each beat. Finding himself unable to do anything else, Remus grip around Sirius' wrist tightened as he pulled away from the other's proximity before ever having reciprocated the kiss.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 2:09 pm 

it really is oingo or be boingo'd on this bitch of an earth.

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Sirius knew that he had way overstepped when Remus pulled away from him. He had been so caught up in wanting to kiss Remus that he hadn’t even for a second thought about whether or not Remus wanted to kiss him too. Fully knowing that he probably had ruined their friendship, there was no way to come back after having kissed your best friend, he let his free hand fall, not moving the one that Remus was still holding a tight grip on.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, feeling completely hopeless, because he didn’t know what Remus was thinking about the entire thing and it was driving him crazy. Usually, he would be able to at least somehow tell what was going on in Remus’ head, but now he was just left blank.
“I shouldn’t have.”

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 2:47 pm 

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Remus was trying to make sense of do many things at once that his mind seemed to come up blank. He barely had enough left over to fully realize Sirius had been speaking to him; instead, Remus just looked at Sirius with dumbstruck surprise.
Remus' lips tasted like wine and he realized Sirius had been drinking. In the back of his mind he knew that should serve as a explanation to Sirius' actions and that Remus should stop looking for any further reasoning.
So, Remus didn't. But he didn't step away either.
Deaf to Sirius' apology, Remus finally let go of his wrist to instead place it the nape of Sirius' neck. Though the though was soft, when Remus leaned in to press a starved kiss to Sirius' lips, it happened with little hesitation.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 3:34 pm 

it really is oingo or be boingo'd on this bitch of an earth.

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Having thought that he had just ruined everything, Sirius was shocked when Remus suddenly was kissing him again. Granted, he couldn’t say that he minded, seeing as he had been the one to initiate the kissing in the first place, yet it was still a foreign feeling to him, even if it was something he had imagined so many times in the past.
Unable to put any of his thoughts into action, and unwilling to fight the feelings behind said thoughts, Sirius simply wrapped an arm around Remus’ waist, the other having found shoulder, and returned the kiss.
The kiss was everything Sirius had ever dreamt of it being and even more. Being so close to Remus was both knew and extremely familiar, so while the actual kissing was foreign, Sirius was still closely familiar with the sensation of being held close by Remus. The mix of old and new only helped to further make Sirius’ head spin and hold on to his best friend even closer.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 4:37 pm 

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Remus couldn't get over how right everything felt. Suddenly realising he had gone what felt like a lifetime without this kind of intimacy made him dizzy, only making him tighten his grip around Sirius, returning the kiss with unabashed desperation.
The last remaining tension left Remus' shoulders as Sirius' arms wrapped around him, Remus readily welcomed the other's close proximity by placing his free hand on Sirius' jaw. The other, Remus finally allowed to leave the familiarity of Sirius' hair in favour to let it trail down Sirius' spine, balling his hand up in the fabric of Sirius' jacket when it could reach no longer.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:17 pm 

it really is oingo or be boingo'd on this bitch of an earth.

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A soft moan left Sirius, overwhelmed by how frantic Remus’ hands seemed to be to get to touch him. His head was spinning and the only thing he could focus on was Remus in his arms. It felt so right to be close with Remus like that and finally getting to kiss him like he had always wanted to.
A part of him fully believed that he was just dreaming and that he soon enough was going to wake up and none of this was going to be real.
That was almost the case, as Sirius spotted something very bright out of the corner of his eye. At first, he wanted to ignore it, but he knew that letting a patronus be out in muggle London for too long was too risky; so instead he, reluctantly, broke to kiss once more, fully well knowing that he probably wasn’t going to get to kiss him again.

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