Ok so after a conversation with my gf today I thought I'd make a little spot for people to vent, praise, or just voice opinions about everyone's favorite subject: Relationships....yay?

(Feel free to comment and all that but Please do not pass judgements or flame on others who post here. Those who decide to post here know that people can obviously read what you put down so if it's really private and you don't want people knowing, obviously don't post it) (((also be advised, explicit language below)))

So this is what happened. For the past week my girlfriend has been staying with me because my mom was on vacation. We've been together for 6 months and going strong, no problems at all which i'm very thankful for since i came from a nasty relationship a long time ago and a bunch of "why did i even bother with you" ones as well. Now I'm one who is used to having "my time" alone and what not. Not a loner, just happen to not go out much. I've got a set group of friends i occasionally hang out with but most of the time i'm at home watching movies, working on the computer, or playing games. Average life of a male I know. Well when my girl is over i obviously make sure i spend time with her. Well we've been together this whole week and we spent alot of time together, and i also still had a little bit of "me time" playing on the computer and what-not. Now I'll be the first to admit that as a guy, i'm no mind reader and sometimes a females "subtle" hints for...well anything really are so subtle that I won't pick up on them. Sometimes you have to actually say what's on your mind to me. Not sure if i classify that as a fault in myself when it comes to relationships and the opposite sex but i certainly wouldn't rule that out.

Now her concern today that brought up conversation was that although she doesn't want to pull me away from something i'm in the middle of, she still would like to know that she can get my attention when it's needed (sometimes just wanted). Completely innocent and fair concern which didn't bother me in the least. I acknowledged it and thought back to the past week and she was right, in between times of giving her all my attention, i would veer off and do something on my computer for about 10-15 mins or so, but certain times she's tried to get my attention sexually or just in general and I would only half acknowledge it or just say "Let me finish this real quick" and i would finish and go right to her.

Now everything is settled, I agreed that yes sometimes I get a bit engrossed in what i'm doing and it is hard to split up my attention at this point in time because what I do on my computer is something i've done for years and I've had alot of down time in between relationships so managing my time with a gf and doing my own thing is a new challenge for me, but not an impossible feat. It can be done and will be done, simple as that.

So here's where I generalize this situation for everyone else. Plain and simple: COMMUNICATION!!!!! Relationships are ****ing NOTHING without it and i stress that to the fullest. I've had too many relationships go bad because of poor communication and I know i'm definitely not the only one to have experienced that. Now i truly feel absolutely lucky to be with my gf now for an abundant amount of reasons but namely because she understands this as well and communicates with me. The problem is she feels she did something bad by telling me her concern because of her bad past relationships resulted in almost immediate problems because she simply voiced an oppinion or concern. I'm not bragging but i'm not the type of guy who get's **** simply because my girl told me what was on her mind, guys like that are ****ing rediculous and need to be knocked the **** out. So her telling me this concern of hers did nothing but make me more happy that i'm with her because she simply told me what was on her mind and that's actually hard to find in people these days. If you don't mention the problem, how do you expect it to get fixed?

So that's all i've got. Just remember folks, COMMUNICATION can save a relationship.

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"Told me to prove to them what I was worth
We’ll teach you to move without mercy and give you the tools to go after the causers of hurt
You'll become death. You will take breath
This is for everything you’ve ever loved
Use all the pain that you’ve felt in your life as the currency go out and trade it for blood
You are not you. You are now us
We are the only ones that you can trust
You’ll become fear. They’ll become dust
Before this moment you didn't mean much
You are the smoldering vessel of punishment born to do nothing but justify us"

So many of my relationships have ended due to a lack of communication. It's just so hard to get a girl to voice her actual complaints during a relationship.

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War... War never changes.

oh love is grand and when both people contribute its stronger then the mightyest steel ^^ me and my GF have had plenty of fights in the past but we are still in love and going strong mes moving atm though so i wont see her for a few days and il lmsis her terribly but i know she will be back ^^

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my avatar's name is Sir Reginald Von Hatsley the most gentlemanly gentleman gentleman's hat you'll ever meet.

if any of you have a wii and these following games shoot me a msg if you want to play.

Animal crossing: City folk
Mario Strikers Charged
MonsterHunter 3:tri
Super Smash Bros Brawl
Castlevania Judgment

shoot me a pm with your FC/name or w/e and ill add you.

I have tried to communicate before... People got hurt. And i got frustrated and then everything went blurry and in my blind torrent of fury.... there it was.... A WIRE HANGER!!!!!!!!! lol jk.. But seriously communication never worked for me. And you know what i would say? **** the world and lets all have fun, We all worry to much... CF helps me settle down after a long stressful shitty day. (: Go CF! hehe

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Communication is VITAL. I know this for a fact, it's nearly broken us to shreds several times, but we've been working on it as a priority for three, four years now ...we're getting somewhere

Often it is on the girls part, but it's hardly easy when guys DON'T understand and we can't explain ... um, let me tell you all what I've warned The Idiot about, it's incredibly personal and won't apply to everyone, but it might help and if not it would be good to keep in mind:



CONSIDER THIS GENTLEMEN PLEASE: before you ever worry about us not communicating :( We don't do it for fun...

1) We girls do not run our emotions by logic. We can be dangerously hormonally controlled. Not all of us but some! As one of those and a girl of too much thinking and literate reliance, I'm going to describe a bad day in a nut shell:

I wake up, locked in a cold, unshakable mood. I feel distant from the world, cannot connect with what's going on, it all feels distant, even physically so. I don't particularly feel emotion, just... that feeling of being publicly humiliated, your skin crawls, you want to crawl into a hole somewhere and not ever show your face.

--- At the time you don't realise this isn't real, you genuinely feel like you've done something.

Then there's CONSTANT, RELENTLESS anxiety and paranoia (it's not physical, you don't think 'oh they don't like me etc etc' or 'their coming to et me'. In all honesty YOU CAN'T THINK. You just feel the same emotion thinking it would induce) . You feel a deep panic, like you're waiting for a life-changing exam. Your stomach twists in on itself and you cannot relax.

The only time you get any peace is when you occupy your mind with stupid things, mindless stuff, but even that's temporary, you haven't the concentration to so much as watch a tv show and stick with the plot line.

You can't talk to anyone. You can only manage a polite hello and such to your own mother. Anything beyond that tears you to your limits, requires utmost work and demands everything of you.

You have to try and balance logic and what's going on around you during this emotional stand off.

.... and then he doesn't notice and carries on laughing and joking ...

Get the picture? :(

You don't sleep, you can hardly eat and small things irritate you because you can't hack them like you normally could.

----- I know I'm not a normal example, but I'm perfectly sure I'm not too far off of the curve! There's only usually one BAD BAD day for me, but a nasty week. Sometimes we'll kick off during it, but mainly on the grounds that we can't handle anything like it.

It's not fair on the boy at all, but for what we're giving we get a stab of guilt that gets wrapped up in all of these other awful tangents. For what we're giving, we're getting back tenfold. :(


2) Sometimes we don't know what's going through our heads.

This can be seen as a slight deviation of the last one, but in all honesty our brains work in different patterns. Women are hard-wired to read into small signals, in nature we look after the welfare of the family, right? So naturally we've evolved to spot danger before it happens, we read into everything much more, even if we don't actively think about it.

Most of this IS subconscious. We get feelings about certain behaviour even if we don't realise why.

Often it is over silly things, petty small things. If this is the case the chances are these relate back symbolically to something else that's hurt us in the past. We aren't just kicking up a fuss because we enjoy it, something is genuinely hurting and that HAS to be looked into, gotten to the root of.

It won't just go away, because logic tells it so.

Most the time we don't even see this happening, we just get irritated by the small things.


3) The Glorious Guilt Factor --- let's say we've identified the problem.

We have a reputation for nagging and are hyper aware of this. If something sounds silly or doesn't make logical sense to us, we'll keep it locked up. First of all to spite ourselves, 'this SHOULDN'T be an issue, I'm NOT gonna make it an issue,'.

Sounds like denial? It is.

It'll stew, rot whilst it's cooped up and come back with twice the kick later on.

BUT also if it's something small, what would the guy say if we made a deal of it? He'd tell us the logic WE ALREADY SODDING KNOW about it and defend himself WHICH WE'VE ALREADY DONE IN OUR HEADS SOMEWHERE and throw that small niggle to the floor, ignoring it completely because it's silly.

It naturally frustrates us!! We don't get it either, just ... help out a bit ... please ... *headdesk*

These things need talking through so we ourselves can get it out into the open and figure out why it's bothering us.



.... uuugh complex brains. They are HORRIBLE :-/

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Damn straight I'm good in bed! I could sleep for days! :3

Vary personal Junk below, tho i feel like putting it out there.


Hmm i agree comunication is vary vital, tho some people have trouble talking face to face, me and bf have been dating for a year and a half or so. I honestly haven't wanted the relationship for over a year. The communication between us sucks, and our biggest issue would be sex. I believe my sex drive is all burnt up and there is nothing really left of it, tho everytime we see each other all we do is ****, its good ill give him that. Tho i dont want a relationship that consists of only that(which is practicly does if you dont count us just watching movies and laying around). When i try talking to him in person about my issue with having sex all the time, he gets **** and is a little ****ing about and compares us to an old couple (btw im only 16 <- should not be having sex).

I don't feel like dealing with him and his ****ing attitude so i normally give in to him, so basicly the only way for me and him to communicate would be over e-mail(ie facebook) or texting. Which is honestly sad and pathetic.

I honestly hate spending any time with him, he always gets under myskin and **** me off to no end, i find barley any joy in spending time with him.

Well there is my little rant lol

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@ Jawbone:
i'll be the first to admit that i can't even pretend to know/understand what goes through the female mind and your explanaition helped alot, so let me say this: what i do understand and agree to is that the female mind is indeed complex and that they are hardwired completely different from men. The focus to detail is much greater than a man's and our focus (besides sex) is logic and we have simple minds that don't really go too far past logic. Insight, forethought and such do not come as naturally to men as they do to women. Our brains have to be trained for those sort of things, from being a lawyer to just plain martial arts. Women certainly have a "headstart" so to speak in the Insight department and frankly i think that's a good thing.

Now i completely agree that when the little things are really getting to a woman, alot of times they are good at keeping that to themselves and the problem with that sometimes is actually man's faul (in my oppinion) because sometimes a female's emotions to whatever it is that is bothering her is so subtle it's hard for men to truly pick up on those, add in that the average guy doesn't have the Insight experience like a women and you drastically reduce the chance that he will actually pick up your "emotion signal". But there are some guys who do pick them up but just barely. They pick up on the signals enough to ask "what's wrong?" and unfortunately the simplest answer a women gives (just speaking from my experience) is "nothing". Some men pry a little more but usually get the same answer each time, others just don't bother after the first attempt. You've helped me to understand that at least some women are aware that that frustrates us (men) and that those women get that added guilt feeling that they don't need.

So all in all i have a better understanding and agree with you.

************

@LBW

I see your rant and i'll raise you a return rant (only cuz i luvs ya)

For creativefreedom's sake woman get rid of that douche then! Here's a perfect example of man's "logic fueled brain": if you hate the ****ing, then don't be with him. You're only 16 and there are PLENTY of other guys out there so you should be able to find at least a couple decent ones in your dating career.

But i don't run your life and i don't want to tell you **** or advice that you've probably already heard from friends/parents/whatever so i'll just tell you my thoughts on this: The guy only wants sex from you and chances are that's how he's going to be with alot of other girls too hence why he doesn't really volunteer any other activity and acts like a ****ing when you even attempt to suggest chilling out on the sexual activity. Relationships need so much more than just sex and you're not going to get any of those other things while staying with him.

_________________
"Told me to prove to them what I was worth
We’ll teach you to move without mercy and give you the tools to go after the causers of hurt
You'll become death. You will take breath
This is for everything you’ve ever loved
Use all the pain that you’ve felt in your life as the currency go out and trade it for blood
You are not you. You are now us
We are the only ones that you can trust
You’ll become fear. They’ll become dust
Before this moment you didn't mean much
You are the smoldering vessel of punishment born to do nothing but justify us"

Yeah LBW i agree with Volatile. :) Besides... when your single you get to flirt with other guys and it's fun and junk. You get to be freeeee. hehe.

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And Lyzrac i voice my complaint very loudly. Thats probably why my relationships don't end well...... Anywho.

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Well, the good thing about me is that I don't have to worry with relationships for now. Plus, I may be a guy in his teenage years but in all actuality sex is one of the last things I want now contrary to my hormones wants. Also, LBW I agree. No sex is good until marriage. Which is what I'm doing.

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Well you all can try telling my Horney 19 year old bf that lol

Thank you for the advice V.

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Duuude you should dump that butthole ASAP. Why do you give in to him? Do you feel threatened by him? There's plenty of people on this board who will volunteer to kick his ass for you

I find it interesting that you say that since you're 16, you shouldn't be having sex...yet you seem to enjoy it. What's your reasoning there?

i may enjoy it when i do have it, but im also going back on what my mother tells me, and just my own tegredity.

If i wasnt with him I would not be doing that. Not that i want to wait for when im married cause i dont want to just do that one person(which its kinda late for) Idk, all i know is that i feel its wrong to do it even if i do enjoy it.

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I do agree that communication is very MAJOR, however, it usually isn't just the girl who doesn't want to talk. In all my past relationships (I agree I am quite young but yes, I actually do have experience) the guy would just want to flaunt me off to his friends. He didn't like me, he would hardly ever talk to me whatsoever and actually pretty much ignore me when around other guys, he simply thought I was hot and that he would be considered cool to be with me.

Another thing, I had a past boyfriend who would actually communicate with me quite well. However, he did begin to think of our communication as as a little more than I had meant it, and would not leave me alone throughout the day. He was attached to me like a child, following me around like a puppy, and would never go away. I did eventually get quite annoyed, and that is where the whole relationship ended. Yes, I have had a lot of crappy relationships where communication took it's toll, but I have to say if you don't have the right kind of communication, the relationship might as well not be there.

LBW:: I see how it is between you and your boyfriend, and I completely agree with the others that you might as well dump him. However, everyone else pretty much explained why.


Another thing:: Jawbone pretty much explained the human mind. I do realize, as do many others, that guys are always droning on and on about how they just can't understand girls! Well, heads up guys, we can't understand you either! It is actually quite stressful to be unable to understand a guy's mind, especially with all the other emotional crap us girl's have going on. Yes, most of us are very much overly emotional, me being included, and that sometimes makes life in general very much difficult. However, most girls believe guy's have it easy, not having to deal with all of our extra baggage. I do not agree with this fact, however. I do understand that guy's pretty much have it just as hard as we do, most of the time harder, and some girls understand that. Although I must point out, not all guys are like you, Volatile. In fact, most of them are very much uncaring. If they are caring, they mostly don't show it at all. So yes, us girls get as frusterated with trying to figure out what goes on in a guy's head as you do trying to get in ours.

Yeah no sex until marriage is the smartest thing, it also means you are committed to that person.

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As far as intimacy goes, WAIT. Wait until you get married! Don't you think that your husband/wife would rather have you all banged up or a virgin? Yeah. That's what I thought. Anyways, don't listen to me; I'm younger than probably all of you, and, so. Yeah. That's my view of things at the moment, and so..Yeah.

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I love you more than..
Spongebob loves jellyfishing
Sandy loves karate
Mr.Krabs loves money&
Squidward loves his clarinet.
Baby, I need you like
Plankton needs the Krabby Patty secret formula.

Actually this may sound horrible to some people, but i would be devastated if i only slept with one man... I mean come on, not every guy feels or does the same thing and are great at it. No matter if you love them. Besides, all the couples back then I'm sure they have cheated on one another because the sex got boring and they were curious to see if someone else could spice it up.

Believe it or not, alot of older couple have sex at least 3-4 times a day... weather thoes statistics are actually correct, im not totally sure Late night sex shows are awesome lol

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Well, since we're on the topic on relationships, I'll go ahead and put my say in this also.

Now, first off - I'll start with a relationship I had going on and off for the longest time...

Now, I was in sixth grade and a fellow band player, since I was doing a music class, asked me out. Yeah he was funny, not the cutest-donut-in-the-bunch, but, I liked him and he was amazing. Now, I - personally, love, love, LOVE communication. I love spending time with people, and hate being alone. Now, my problem with this guy was that he kept treating me like I was just a normal friend, but we were dating, and to me, if you're dating, I don't want to be treated like your normal friend. If that's the case - Why are we even dating? So, over the years, up until a few months ago, we had gone on and off - on and off - and on and off again! All me breaking them, and then getting back with the guy. Just recently my mom talked to me and finally told me that after he had texted me and told me that he felt our relationship was 'empty' that he only really wanted sex from me and since I wouldn't give it to him (I'd rather punch him in the face if he tried talking me into it because I'm not gonna have sex for awhile, Thank You!) he decided to leave and go find another sucker who would give it to him without a second thought.

We broke up, and I honestly thought it would hurt, but it didn't. I guess that means that the relationship really had no meaning behind it? But, Most people are against online dating, because of some complications and what not, and people faking this, and faking that, but I sometimes don't actually mind it because I'm sure I'm not the only person that agrees with me when I say that most of the guys online, are somewhat more charming and interesting that some guys sitting around you. I don't know if its because its more easy to talk to them about your problems or what? I feel like I'm getting off topic...

Anyway! So, I met this guy on this MMORPG. He was sweet, charming, funny and everything that I liked about him. So, we exchanged numbers and started talking. We started dating and two days ago we had been two weeks, but this story has a darker side... =\

He was a drinker, yeah? But he was the sweetest to me and always wanted me happy, no matter if he had to stay up till 4-5AM, just to make sure I was okay. I loved him and he was just perfect, despite that flaw. So, a physic told him that he'd die soon...So, he went out and I guess did what most people do - Party. Well, over the four years he had been drinking, his liver started to fail and he had a heart attack. He was in the hospital on Monday and we kept texting each other. His brother and friend knew he wasn't going to make it, but I kept my hopes up, because a friend of mine's uncle had his liver failing, and he was just fine. But...Turns out that fate had a different plan for him and he died after we just finished texting, saying how much we loved each other and this and that..And he died at 4AM that morning...after we finished..only five minutes later. His brother and friend woke up to the sound of his heart monitor slowing, and his brother got up, rushing out and got a nurse, but they didn't make it in time, and they weren't fast enough...

I didn't expect it to hurt as much, but my heart aches, regardless of how short we knew each other, because we had such an attraction to each other, to have him whisked away from me like that...Its horrible. I'm still missing him so much. But we had excellent communication and we had fun together...even though we couldn't see each other or anything, but we kept talking..

But, that's my story..I guess, haha.

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Missing you every day...

I love you baby. I'm Emotionally Unstable without you... 7/21/2010

Talk to me about anything. :3

Alright. So. I have a dilemma.

I've been going out with my boyfriend[let's call him..C] for almost three months. I really like him and all, but there's this other guy[A], who I think has feelings for me, and I'm developing feelings for him, as well.

What should I do? Stay with C or try for A?

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I love you more than..
Spongebob loves jellyfishing
Sandy loves karate
Mr.Krabs loves money&
Squidward loves his clarinet.
Baby, I need you like
Plankton needs the Krabby Patty secret formula.

Well are you happy with C? Do you see this as something long term?

To me if you are happy with C then I would not ruin it for a chance with A who you are not sure even likes you. You could end up alone and having hurt someone that you care about when you had a perfectly good boyfriend but got a bit greedy and wanted to try for someone else.

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