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I've learnt a lot in the past two years about relationships.
Before I give my little piece on this, I think some background information may be good. I have been in two relationships:
The first lasted about a year, although it would have been half a year longer had we been together from the point we told each other of our feelings. Unfortunately there was a slight complication - 3000 miles separating us. However, I can honestly say I was completely in love (and still am) and that it didn't matter to me how far away he was. This was an amazing relationship despite the distance, as you will find if you keep reading. (For the purposes of this I will call him K)
The second lasted a month. He had been my best friend since we were little kids, and our relationship happened for all the wrong reasons. He was desperate (he'd never had a girlfriend before) and I was desperate to get over my previous relationship (it had been a fair while since we broke up but I was still no closer to resolving my feelings). Everything ended up being awful about this relationship. (For the purposes of this I will call him R)
Now my thoughts on what makes things work and not. :D
Communication is definitely, as people have said, a key part of relationships. I talked everyday for hours on end with K. We always made sure to clear up any misunderstandings and that we always knew the boundaries of our relationship and what we expected from each other. If there was anything wrong, we both felt at ease to let each other know.
However I also believe that trust is just as important as communication. I didn't trust R at all. From the first day he wouldn't listen to my "No" when wanting to go further than kissing (yes, he wanted sex less than 24 hours after we started going out.) At one point I even got to tears because I thought he was going to rape me. He completely broke my trust and after the first week I hated things because of that. On the other hand I could trust K completely. We shared all of our deep secrets (some of which I have never told anyone but him, and he has never told anyone but me), and we were completely honest with each other in a way that I have seen some people get angry with each other for (e.g. if we saw someone we thought was hot or had a sexual dream about someone else.). However, these things just strengthened our trust so we knew we didn't have to be jealous despite the distance, and that when we did met, we trusted each other to respect each others boundaries, which we did.
Never let anyone pressure you into anything you don't want to do. I was stupid and lost my virginity to R because he never stopped pushing and I just gave up. I know that the right thing to do would have been to break up with him but I wanted to make it work so put up with this. Big mistake. However, I'll learn from this and not let that happen again.
(In comparison K was an absolute angel and was always careful to make sure that anything we did was what I wanted to do, and even said he'd be happy just holding my hand the rest of his life, something I find myself able to believe, as unlikely as it may sound to some).
In summary:
1. Communication and trust = good
2. Never let anyone pressure you into sex
3. I had a lot of things to get off my chest about those two relationships =P
I do have more to say on the subject but I think I'll leave it at that for tonight.
_________________ I know beyond a doubtMy heart will lead me there soon
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