Creative Freedom RPG

Looking to Improve? Look No Further!
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Author:  Asteria [ Sun Dec 02, 2012 10:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Looking to Improve? Look No Further!

Through my meanderings about the site, I've noticed that there are a plethora of writers that are looking to improve upon their skills, to hone their craft. I'd like to offer my services in such an area.

Those who have been on the site for a while already know this, but those who are new, I'm the site's resident Grammar Hitler. That's right, The Grammar Hitler. It's one of my pet peeves that most don't bother to implement grammar, solely because it's the "internet," as if to say that, because you're not seeing them face-to-face, using any semblance of grammar isn't necessary. That being said, for those of you that wish to improve, I'm not going to beat you senseless for making a mistake in such a field.

One can't improve without practicing and making a few mistakes along the way, right?

For those that feel their grammar is alright, but they need to work on other aspects, I'm your girl. If you're looking to get away from one-line posts and into more detail, I can work with you on getting into the proper head space, on finding what drives your character, on their motivations for being there in the first place. I can work with you on achieving crystal clear clarity on your descriptions of things, to get you away from listing details without feeling and work on getting them to flow like that of a movie.

On the flip side, I can work on getting you to take out needless detail, to keep you from rambling on about something just to fill a post. My motto is, and always will be: Quality over Quantity. One well written sentence is far better than several poorly conceived ones.

Now, while I'm more than happy to write with you, I do have a lot of threads along with work that I'm responsible for. If you're expecting instantaneous replies left, right, and center, I'm not the person to write with.

If you're looking for someone to work with you on your technique and approach, who will give you quality writing to work with and will give you honest critiques, then look no further. There will be spurts of back and forth, whereas others may take a little more work. I'm open to just about anything plot-wise, so long as it's an interesting plot that will hold my interest.

Should you wish to take me up on this, you can either send me a private message, or write me here and I'll get back to you through the venue of your choosing.

Happy writings!

Author:  Asteria [ Sun Dec 02, 2012 11:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Looking to Improve? Look No Further!

After I offered this, I figured a sample may be good to have, so you can see my usual writing style.

This is taken from a bit of writing I did for a client and can sum up my usual content, the level I like to write at. I don't see a reason to differ from how I write for my novels and clients and how I write for a roleplay, as it reads the same. And, as I said, it's not about length, so please don't be daunted by the size of this post if it's not what you're used to.

Any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

Asteria wrote:
Part I


Luminescent, the falling light of the moon cast an eerie glow over all left uncovered. Trees took on the iridescent glow, leaves shivering in the breeze that tore through their limbs. Light playing off the water so far below the cliff's edge, everything looked harsher, yet softer all the same. While the moon's glow seemed to show everything for what it was, emanation hitting each jagged edge of the broken cliff side, illuminating each wave as it crashed against the hard wall of rock, it seemed almost delicate. Almost as if falling wouldn't hurt, wouldn't kill any dreaded soul that happened to take a tumble, but rather that the light would envelop them, that each wave would just wrap them in a soft blanket of darkness, and they'd peacefully float off into oblivion.

A poetic way to die.

No sound could be heard above the crashing waves below, reverberating off the trees that scattered the cliff's line, the rustle of leaves and uncut grass waving lazily in the breeze. A light fog drifting through, any movement, apart from the shadows thrown haphazardly by the moon's spectral glow, was dampened, hidden. One didn't have to be seen should they not wish it, their very presence remaining unknown to the eye. Not that they cared if they were seen, but it was always nice to have that air of mystery, the ability to be hidden should they wish it.

Stepping from within the tree line, form staying close to the rough bark of the tree behind her, Chrystal's eyes scanned for her sisters, her coven. Frame standing at no taller than five-foot-six, she was easily concealed by the thick fog, the shadows the trees cast hiding her own easily.

They'd always met here, centuries of history housed within the stretches of the land, the water line hundreds of feet below. Something about a cliff's edge, the beauty of what could easily become impending death added to the sacred air of the place. While she'd never really thought it a big deal, it wasn't her place to comment, so she'd always held her comments within her burdened mind.

It was finally time.

Time for her to meet the rest of the members of the coven.

A mixture of nervous excitement flitted within her, a sort of jitter inhabiting her body as she stood there, arms clasping hold of herself to contain it. Meeting sisters meant she'd have a family to call her own. Granted, it wouldn't be a family by normal standards, but it'd be more than she'd ever had prior to this moment.

Living as a loner for most of her life, it hadn't been by choice, but by necessity. As it was hard to explain away the happenings that surrounded her growing up, she ran away. Better to be alone than to hurt those I care for, she'd always reasoned.

A solitary life with no risk.

Alone from the age of ten, she'd taught herself to hone her skill, her craft. It was a long process, arduous, riddled with errors, but she'd prevailed. Slowly taking a hold on her appearance, what was once a bright-eyed, chubby cheeked, curly-haired brunette, had shifted. No longer did curly locks of the darkest brunette lay claim to her features but instead a resplendent blonde, almost white, now resided. Her once green eyes, full of life and the envy of those who lay their sights upon them, now held the lightest blue, icy in illusion. Even her skin, once sun-kissed and warm, appeared ethereal, alabaster tones.

While Chrystal wasn't sure when all these changes had taken place, most who saw her would chalk it up to puberty, assuming such changes happened as she matured. It was far more...Far more than anyone on the outside would know, would want to know. Using her craft as much as she did, becoming one with her power, it was changing her. Her form was becoming so accustom to the cool, the ice, that the changes were inevitable. She was cooler to the touch, skin smooth...somehow soft yet oddly firm.

The small flickering of a fire appeared a few feet in front of her, small in stature, sprung up in the midst of the cool light. Hood concealing her own looks, she kept her head lowered, eyes watching the display from her perch against the trunk. Flame growing before her eyes, the vibrant red hair of her sister was illuminated, along with her warm skin, her golden eyes. A small smile pulling at her own lips, Chrystal made her way toward her, watching in her usual awe, of the control she had over her flame. Dancing on the tip of her finger, the flame jumped, swaying in the breeze, but didn't flicker out. Not once did the heavy winds coming off the sea snuff out its life.

With a small grin, she pursed her lips, blowing softly at her finger, icy crystals dancing in the air as they wrapped around her sister's finger, choking the life out of the flame until it finally subsided. A light, melodic laugh was loosed, her hood dropping back as a mirth flashed behind her eyes. “It's good to see you, Annelise,” came her warm greeting, arms enveloping Annelise in a hug. Arms embracing her, Chrystal felt the usual goosebumps taking hold of her skin, a shiver wracking through her body at the proximity of their bodies. Something about fire and ice together always held such a reaction, from both parties, evoking knowing smiles betwixt the two. Pulling back, her eyes scanned around them, trying to see through the fog. “Where are the rest?”

A small shrug and half-grin later, and Annelise was staring her down, eyes lit from within in a sort of dangerous mischief. “They're here. They're always here.” This brought a slight perplexed frown to Chrystal's face, wondering how she could have missed them, but she didn't voice it. “There's been a slight snag...”

Brow furrowing, her eyes turned suspicious. “What do you mean, a snag?” Her tone, turning just as icy as her gaze had, her body went rigid, preparing for the worst.

“Oh relax,” Annelise retorted, brushing off her reaction with a flippant wave of her hand. “It's nothing like that. Just some minor details have been shifted is all.” Chrys could feel her body relaxing a bit as she heard the words, but something lingered in the back of her mind, urging her to stay alert. “Something simple really. The coven would prefer to stay anonymous...That is, until you've completed your task.”

“Task?” she repeated, not understanding. “I've done all they've asked. I've proven my power, proven what I'm capable of. I've passed every test you've ever given me...What else haven't I done?”

“Such a tone...doesn't bode well with us.” Something about Annelise was changing, becoming more official, fuller sounding...As if she weren't the only one talking. But just like that, it was gone, and she was back, back to her usual alto, tone light. “That being said, we understand your confusion and welcome it. It's not that you've not done enough, but this final task solidifies your place among us. It's essential to your survival within our coven. Without it, you can never be.”

One final task... Chrystal thought to herself fervently. Just one...and I'll have a family....I'll do anything...

“It's simple enough,” she continued, eying her, gauging her reactions to each piece she said. “You must first find a man, pure in heart and in mind, willing to do anything. You'll know him when you see him, one of the rare few that still survive within this world of carnal urges. Seduce him.”

Pausing for almost dramatic effect, Annelise's eyes left Chrystal for the first time since the exchange began, turning to lock with each unseen member. Chrystal's gaze shifted as well, trying to sift through the fog, to see who she was at the mercy of, to see those that did this task before her. To see if it were worth it.

“Once you seduce him, thoroughly besotted, you must return him here. As the sacrifice, he will remain here for three days, being primped and preened for the final event. As the moon is in its apex, you must stop his heart, feel the dark side's pull in this act, and return from it unscathed. Take his life force into yourself, feel it fill you, feel it drain him. The rest is arbitrary.”

Feeling the gaze of a few others boring into her, she tried to process the news as calmly as she could. Sacrifices she'd done, though never of the human variety. A bird here, a frog there...It'd always seemed essential to gain connection for the more draining rituals they'd asked of her. But this? She wasn't sure if she could handle it. To take someone so innocent, so pure, and use them for this? Her heart beat rapidly in her chest, eyes flicking to the ground as her hands played nervously, clasping and unclasping, under her cloak. So loud was her heartbeat, she almost missed the pointed throat-clearing directed at her.

“Do you understand the task set to you?”

Eyes raising to lock with Annelise's, she nodded, lips set in a thin line, all humor her face had once held, fallen away a mere memory.

“Are you able to complete this task? Able to become a member of our coven?”

The pause was a weighted one, one that seemed to drag on as her mind tossed around her options. Inner war was waging, her heart torn, her mind conflicted, until one thought rang through amidst the chaos, so clear and true. I can't say no, not after all that I've done to get here, to this moment...I can do this. I can do anything for my family... Slow to nod this time around, the motion was just as drawn out as her thoughts had been, the weight of the world sitting on her shoulders.

“You've a month and a half to find him, seduce him, bring him here and complete the ritual,” came Annelise's rather matter-of-fact tone of voice. “I'll be keeping tabs on your progress. Don't disappoint us.”

And just like that, she was gone.

In the blink of an eye, Annelise was gone. The fog had vanished. She was alone with nothing but the beating of her heart and the light of the moon to keep her company as she tried to strengthen her resolve.

I can do this...This is what I want...

Author:  Eon [ Sat Jun 07, 2014 12:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Looking to Improve? Look No Further!

That's impressive. I'm generally pretty good with my grammar, but everyone slips up now and then. Mainly what I wanted to point out was your sample post. That, mighty Co-owner, is enormous. I usually post in approximately two paragraph chunks, mainly to keep things concise and easy to understand for those who aren't as linguistically gifted as you or me.

Author:  Chihuahua4446 [ Mon Feb 09, 2015 12:22 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Looking to Improve? Look No Further!

Whoa! Your writing is amazing! I think is awesome that you're willing to help people like this! I've rejoined a roleplay after many years off just to improve my writing and I'm finding that getting started again is quite the challenge. Much harder than I thought it would be to jump in again. I'm okay with my grammar (though I mostly use my iPod and sometimes autocorrect thinks it knows better than me and I tend to have a bad habit of not rechecking before submitting, whoops!). But for me, I have a really hard time confidently playing my characters. I've had maybe two characters in the many years I've roleayed on and off that I actually felt comfortable playing. Mostly I just can't get started. I also have a hard time adding details when I'm not in the right mood. It's super annoying to wait for my muse to decide everything for me.

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